Sister of B.C. man lost to toxic drugs launches peer support group for siblings

It was May 2020. COVID-19 was new to the world, and people were isolating at home — many alone — to curb the spread of this new virus. 

At the same time, B.C.'s illicit drug supply was becoming increasingly toxic.

That's when Stephanie Harrington learned her 39-year-old brother Ian had died after using toxic drugs. 

"Those first few months after losing someone are just so intense," she told All Points West host Jason D'Souza. "You're just trying to get through them." 

Since Ian passed away, thousands more British Columbians have lost their lives to toxic drugs — children, parents, grandchildren, grandparents, friends, colleagues, partners, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters and more — leaving loved ones grieving. 

Now, nearly five years after losing her brother, Harrington is launching a peer support group specifically for people whose siblings have died as a result of substance use. 

Lived experience

Shortly after Ian's death, Harrington connected with Moms Stop the Harm, a support and advocacy group for families impacted by toxic drugs and substance use, in search of a bereavement group. 

"I was pregnant at the time and really wanted to sort of work through some of my loss before I got too busy to do so," she said. 

When she arrived at her first meeting, she felt instant relief.  

"When people die of toxic drug deaths or substance use-related harms, they're very stigmatized deaths, and it can be hard to talk about it in a way in which you feel like you are battling someone's negative judgment of your loved one,  where you feel like you have to justify their lives to them," Harrington said. 

"Being in a room with other people who had experienced similar things was just a huge relief for me."

The room was filled with parents who had lost children. But she said the grief parents feel can be much different than what siblings experience.

"I think just generally in society, not a lot of attention is paid to sibling loss," Harrington said. 

"It's one of our earliest formative relationships. I mean, my brother was just a year or so younger than me. I mean, he was around my entire life. And, you know, these are really important relationships in our life." 

Sometimes, she said, siblings are the ones supporting one another with substance use or keeping information from parents. Additionally, she said, siblings might not want to express their grief out of concern for what their parents are going through. 

So, she decided to start her own group. 

With the help of Healing Hearts Canada, which connects people who have lost a loved one to support groups across the country, Harrington will facilitate her first meeting in Victoria on Jan. 13. 

According to the Healing Hearts website, there are no fees for attending their support groups. 

Part of the reason she's launching the group, she said, is to continue working through her own grief.

"Part of the healing process for me is spending time with that grief and spending time remembering my brother and hopefully providing a space where other people can also get that same comfort and non-judgmental support that I felt that I got when I when I first lost my brother."