Christmas isn't a joyful and bright time for everyone, but a few meaningful actions can help

This story is part of Amy Bell's Parental Guidance column, which airs on CBC Radio One's The Early Edition.

At this time of year, I typically exist somewhere between Buddy the Elf and "bah humbug" when it comes to holiday spirit.

I want this to be a special time for my family, but it's been another rough year for many of us, physically, emotionally and financially.

So when it comes to decking the halls, some of us might want to take a pass. 

Missing loved ones

Loss is always hard to process, but the holidays can really make you miss those people who are no longer with us. Joyful traditions they were long part of suddenly seem sad, and their absence is deeply felt.

Adam MacGillivrey is still mourning his grandfather, who passed away around last Christmas — and so is his six-year-old son.

MacGillivrey says his family is trying to honour those feelings while finding the magic of the season by, for example, thinking of his grandfather while putting up certain decorations.

"We're trying to figure out, what do you do? How do you address it?" he said.

"How do you make sure they're not focused on a previous loss while still trying to promote the joy of the season? Death does happen. But you need to make sure that there is still joy," he added, saying his family put up their Christmas lights early this year as a way to help.

'Tis the season of spending

While you might want to enjoy everything you can at this time of year, it can be exhausting for the soul — and the wallet.

Nicole McLaren knows she needs to pace herself, so she avoids saying yes to too many invites and leaves time for her and her family to just do nothing. 

"We love just having time to relax, sleep in. What we do is avoid any commitments and as we get closer to the holidays then we start looking at booking any gatherings with family or friends," says McLaren. 

Financially, though, it's a double-edged sword for McLaren. As a small business owner, she depends on this time of year — but with everyone feeling financial stress, she knows how hard it can be.

She encourages people to focus on quality and not quantity, and realize how much it can mean if they make thoughtful purchases from local businesses.

"I really focus on the ripple effect that buying one thing from us can have, versus buying 10 or 20 things from a larger retailer," says McLaren.

"It's really about the impact, the meaning and the good you can do with smart purchasing decisions."  

The greatest gift can be helping others

In the season of giving, donating to a charity can be one of the most meaningful things you can do — especially because many organizations are struggling to collect enough donations this year as demand for help increases.

Terry Anne Gibson, Vancouver co-ordinator of the The Shoebox Project — which collects and distributes gift-filled shoe boxes to homeless women — says Christmas can be devastating for people who have nothing. 

"Put yourself in the shoes of a woman who has been displaced from her home at any time of year, but especially around the holidays — how tremendously isolating that is," says Gibson.

"What our program aims to do is ... provide something special for all those moms who are placed into that difficult circumstance any time of year, but especially around the holidays."

Gibson says helping others is one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids because it shows them the power they have to help and improve the world around them.  

"The feeling of giving back feels even better than the feeling of receiving. It's such a great reminder that there are so many good people out there, and good people raising really good kids." 

It's hard to find magic when your emotional reserves and your bank account have been depleted. And for many, this time of year will always be hard.

Those are the people we need to support and shine a light on — not just this time of year, but every day.

So, may the best of the season be with you, and may you be able to lift up those who aren't feeling their best — and be lifted by others when you need it the most.