TORONTO, ON—The Blue Jays are off to a rough start this season, and their catcher is no exception.

With only three hits in his first 31 at-bats, Russell Martin is batting .097 — percentages that can only be described as "Trumpian". Experts are comparing it to the blow to President Donald Trump's popularity after several (metaphorical) swings and misses by his administration in recent weeks, including on his proposed healthcare bill, Muslim travel ban, and North Korea.

Asked to comment on the comparison, Trump said, "I am very proud and honoured. I can only assume this is a good thing. Sorry, I should explain. I mute my telephone the second I pick it up, so that it only works in one direction. I heard that you were calling about someone being compared to me, so I can only say congratulations to the man, or woman, hopefully a man, and wish him the best of luck in the future, the same sort of luck I've had being a tremendous, just really amazing, success in business, and eventually being elected president of the United States."

"Wait, hold on a second," said Trump. "Unless this person is being compared to me because people are saying he will be elected president of the United States. Let me make this very clear to you: that will never happen. Never. I will crush this person. Man or woman, hopefully a woman, they don't stand a chance against me. I will remain president of the United States for years and decades to come, and may god have mercy on the soul of Russell Martin, sorry I just finally saw his name on the memo."

At press time, Martin said that he would be pushing hard in upcoming days to at least reach George-Bush-leaving-office-approval-ratings level.