WASHINGTON, D.C.—Last week the White House received a president transplant and so far the results have been abysmal. The new president seems to be wholly incompatible with the values of both the building and its country, and has therefore been violently rejected by the host.

"This can happen when a foreign body is introduced into a new environment," explains Dr. Emilio Lima, a recently muzzled government scientist. "And Mr. Trump's ties to Russia may actually be exacerbating the immune response."

This response has been swift and strong, as millions around the country and world have attended marches disavowing the new inhabitant. The hope is that this show of strength will cause the president to fail completely, which would require the White House to undergo a new transplant before the usual four-year period.

This may be necessary as the president is currently functioning extremely poorly, exhibiting numerous warning signs such as bouts of delusion and strange temper tantrums.

However, while he remains inside the White House, the nation's health will continue to suffer. The country's reputation abroad has already been severely harmed, and its citizens are becoming increasingly unwell.

"He makes me feel stick to my stomach," said Martha Newton, who led a rally in Kansas City. On top of the gastrointestinal distress, many are also experiencing anxiety and depression, which is especially worrisome given the president's desire to reverse any recent healthcare advances the country has made.

It's still early, so the lasting effects this will have on the country are unknown. There is still some hope the new president won't kill the entire organism before being removed.