COLLINGWOOD, ON—Conservative MP Kellie Leitch took a day off today and according to sources, is enjoying a peaceful afternoon in her living room watching a microfiche slideshow of photographs of different butter churns. According to Leitch's assistant, the slideshow recently entered its third consecutive hour.

"I like going back in time to when things were done properly," Leitch explained via telegraph.

"Dot, dot, dash," she added, inexplicably.

Leitch, who has her sights set on running for the Conservative Party leadership, is best known for parroting worldviews that have not been embraced by this country for four or five decades now.

"Canada used to be real smart about keeping immigrants out," Leitch faxed. "I mean specifically the ones who look different from me. At some point we took a wrong turn and we have to get back to a simpler time."

Leitch then takes a quick break from her slideshow to unfurl a massive papyrus scroll, onto which her proposed "Canadian values test" for potential immigrants is depicted in a long series of hieroglyphics.

"It's tough keeping up with all this new technology!" she chuckles. "Anyway, brown people are taking over and I'm scared."

Leitch has confirmed via carrier pigeon that she'll be back to work tomorrow.

"Sometimes you just need a day to turn off your pager, really unwind and catch up on housework and errands," she explains. "After I run out of butter churn slides, I'm going to empty the chamber pot and grab a few things at the chemist."