OTTAWA, ON—Finance minister Bill Morneau and the Bank of Canada announced today that black activist Viola Desmond will be the first Canadian woman to be featured on the $10 bill, unless you count Queen Elizabeth II, whose face has long been prominently displayed on the Canadian $20 banknote.

"We've made some small and incremental progress today in recognizing the contributions women have made to Canadian society," said Morneau at a press conference. "But I want to be absolutely clear: we still value wealthy white ladies far more than women of colour, especially if those women of colour are loud and relentless activists who've dared to challenged the existing power structure."

"As the predominantly white people who are making decisions about Canada's money, we truly cherish those who don't question the status quo that directly benefits us," Morneau continued. "Black women, immigrant women, Indigenous women – we're not super comfortable with any of these groups. We're like, a little more comfortable than we used to be? But like $10 comfortable. Certainly not $20 comfortable."

Desmond, a beautician and businesswoman who famously stood up against racial segregation at a movie theatre in Nova Scotia, will grace the $10 as of 2018. She will replace the face of Sir John A. Macdonald, Canada's first prime minister.

"I know it seems like we're doing that awful thing where we're forcing a white man to move over a tiny bit and make space for other voices in this world, but let me reassure everyone today that in fact, the reason we're removing Sir John A. from the money is simply that as a white man, I mean, God, his value simply can't be measured. It's literally unquantifiable."

Morneau added, "We'd put him on the ten-plorpillion dollar bill if we could, but unfortunately we don't have one yet, so."