OAKVILLE, ON – The Oakville Centre for Body, Mind, and Movement introduced a new yoga class the day after the US election. The class, offered on Thursday nights and led by instructor Sunny D, has students hold just one pose for the entire 45-minute session – "downward spiral of despair".

"What you want to do is just start from a strong, graceful lunge, and slowly crumple to the ground until you're curled up in the fetal position," Sunny explains from her dark, windowless yoga studio adorned with colour pictures of president-elect Trump, melting ice caps, and ancient, sepia-toned photographs of grateful women once being vaguely half-respected.

"I started going to this class on November 9, the nanosecond it became available," explains yoga enthusiast James Gregoris. "I've been going for a month now and already I feel like I can hold the position for longer. Not quite four years long, but that's kind of the goal I'm working toward."

"There's not a huge difference between the position we've learned in this class and the position I nap in at home," shares another student, Willow Yi. "But to me, it's worth it to pay $18 every week to cry with people for a change. You gotta switch up your exercise routine. Keep it interesting, you know?"

"I remind my students that it's important to listen to your body," instructor Sunny D explains. "If you get into the position and you feel any pain whatsoever, that's your body trying to tell you that a deranged sociopath has taken full control of the globe and you're ultimately powerless to stop it."