OAKVILLE, ON—In the wake of the stunning results of Tuesday's presidential election, Environment Canada has issued an alert that dangerously high levels of smug are currently present in the air across the nation.

"We haven't seen numbers this high since George W. Bush's re-election in 2004," said Marilyn Notusa, spokesperson for the organization. "Luckily in that instance they plunged back down to safe and reasonable levels not even a year and a half later when Canada elected Stephen Harper, a man who was a close ally of Bush, and whose re-election campaign propaganda included encouraging Canadians to report on their neighbours' 'barbaric cultural practices,' if that sounds at all familiar from recent events. So things really calmed down there for a bit and we could all breathe easier."

"There is an unfortunate cycle that tends to kick in when smug levels become elevated," Notusa continued. "Folks will tend to stay indoors, associating less with their fellow citizens, and this artificial comfort will lead smugness levels to spin out of control. As we all know, isolation and withdrawal means that people don't engage with our country's own racism, sexism, and even energy policies as much as they need to."

There is still hope, however, according to Environment Canada director Kent Moove.

"Canadians should know that when we as a department are evaluating the causes of smug, we are extremely thorough. We look all over, including corners of the country that many Canadians would like to forget exist," he said. "And so, folks who hear our warning and doubt that our findings are true should get out there and explore the many parts of the country and society with which they never engage. This will hopefully have a two-fold effect of not only convincing them, but also drastically lowering those levels almost immediately due to their newfound knowledge and subsequent changes in their behaviour."

At press time, many Canadians were reportedly unaware of the significant beneficial effect that lowering our smug levels could have on the United States, and vice-versa.