President Trump to trans kids of America: "Just pee on each other"

WASHINGTON, DC—Last week's decision by Trump and Attorney General Jeff Sessions to rescind the civil rights rule allowing transgender kids to use the bathroom of their choice in public schools has been aptly met with intense outrage.

Americans took to the streets in protest of the decision, while people across the world posted on social media, standing up for the protection of trans kids. Trans activists like Laverne Cox and Janet Mock spoke out publicly on the matter and, in short, no one in the LGBTQ community took the news lying down.

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Even Caitlyn Jenner awoke from her political coma to speak out against the decision. In a video shot at her secluded mountaintop mansion, Jenner expressed her anger. She also invited the president to call her personally to discuss the matter, because she's just that important.

For the record, it only took Jenner 874 days to realize that Trump is a threat to LGBTQ and women's rights.

True to form, President Trump was unfazed by the widespread criticism of his actions. In a press conference held this week at the White House, Trump failed to understand what the big deal is.

"Who needs bathrooms?" the president asked. "Just pee on each other. It's what I do. It's terrific."

For most of his life and career, Trump has preferred to urinate and defecate directly on people, including both personal and business partners as well as the American population at large.

Trump went on to say that it's been so long since he's seen an actual toilet, he forgets what they look like. For most of his life and career, Trump has preferred to urinate and defecate directly on people, including both personal and business partners as well as the American population at large.

"It's perfectly natural," he explained.

To the surprise of no one, Jeff Sessions agreed with the president. The Attorney General, who also spoke at the conference, said: "Americans love to be dumped on—or should I say 'Trumped on?' Look at the great man they elected president."

Before the press could ask any more questions and get Trump to say something meaningful in regards to the paramount importance of protecting the safety of transgender and all LGBQ children in public schools, and to finally answer the question of why old, rich, white men derive so much pleasure in making the lives of vulnerable kids and teens more difficult, the president and the Attorney General abruptly had to leave. It is presumed they had to go to the bathroom.

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