Naked Gardening Day quickly followed by Bush Trimming Day

MIAMI, FL—Floods of naked horticulturists have been out and about today celebrating World Naked Gardening Day. The annual holiday successfully promotes a positive body image and encourages people to connect with nature, but many participants apparently forgot to do some very necessary "personal landscaping" before leaving their houses. In light of the global epidemic of "untamed chia pets," officials have implemented a new, impromptu holiday called World Bush Trimming Day (WBTD), which will take place tomorrow on May 8.

The need for WBTD is urgent and obvious. Many Miami residents say they were shocked to walk outside today and see so many untamed pubic gardens. 911 operators were flooded with calls from concerned and perplexed neighbours all across North America. One Miami woman mistook her neighbour's bush as a "rabid squirrel or possum or something" and called Animal Services to come and capture the "unkempt beast."

Another Miami woman called her therapist claiming that she had "traveled back in time to the '60s, man" after coming into contact with multiple voluminous crotch gardens. It was later discovered that she had ingested a large quantity of bath salts earlier that day.

Many nude gardeners claimed that they simply forgot to trim their own bushes during the winter since nobody was looking. Naked gardener Oliver Beivur, who describes his junk drawer as "Don King escaping from my pelvis head first," told reporters, "It just didn't cross my mind to do some bush-whacking of my own before I left my house to whack my actual bushes. Anyway, I enjoy the extra insulation!"

Some celebrities even threw their two cents into the public pubic pandemonium. Earlier today, Martha Stewart tweeted, "I believe in a properly trimmed hedge in my garden as well as under my apron ;)"

Gillette has signed on as the main sponsor of this last-minute initiative by handing out free razors in Toronto, New York, and London. Their slogan "A little trim goes a long way" is an attempt to get people to not forget the most important garden you will ever tend to.

Organizers of World Bush Trimming Day claim that the event is not intended to shame those who let their wild things grow, but instead to promote a well-manicured bush garden. When questioned, an anonymous supporter of WBTD said, "I love a good snake in the bush, but you can't do nothin' with it if you can't find it!"