American confused that he cannot recreate ketchup chips with ketchup and chips

Some things are more than the sum of their parts and today, Nolan Covington of Dallas, Texas has found that out the hard way.

Below, you can read a transcript, obtained by CBC Comedy, of a Skype conversation between Nolan and one of his Canadian friends on the subject of that elusive Canadian flavour: ketchup chips.

SARAH: Sorry again I haven't been able to send you any ketchup chips like you asked.

NOLAN: That's okay. Would definitely love to try them sometime, though. That bagged milk was crazy!

SARAH: It's just, each time I get my hands on a bag of the chips, I just eat it. Right away.

NOLAN: Man, they must be great! Yeah, I get that. I gave up on you eventually, just like I did with the poutine-sending, and I'm trying to just make some myself.

SARAH: The poutine tasted really good.

NOLAN: I can only imagine. I mean, you could have gotten two, but hey. It's cool.

SARAH: I did get two. I ate both.

NOLAN: Anyway. Making my own ketchup chips. Talk me through it. So I bought some ketchup.

SARAH: There's your first mistake.

NOLAN: … they're called ketchup chips.

SARAH: Enh.

NOLAN: No?

SARAH: You ever had grape candy? You ever had orange pop? It's that kind of relationship to the original thing.

NOLAN: But ketchup is already a highly processed product of an actual tomato.

SARAH: Process that 50 more times.

NOLAN: So what do I add?

SARAH: A little salt, a little vinegar, and whatever is crusted beneath the lid of your ketchup bottle. Find a really old one, because that new bottle won't do you.

NOLAN: O… kay. Great! And then I've got some plain Ruffles, so I'll just spread that mixture on them.

SARAH: Hahahahahaha

NOLAN: What? Is everything okay?

SARAH: Oh, nothing, was just laughing at your joke. I thought you said you got plain Ruffles potato chips.

NOLAN: I did. I couldn't find the plain flat ones. But I mean, they're plain. So they'll taste the same.

SARAH: I mean, I don't know how to convey to you how wrong you are there so I'm just going to leave it there.

NOLAN: Okay. Well just send me a bag?

SARAH: Okay. I'll send you this one.

*sound of polyethylene tearing*

SARAH (cont): I'll send you the next one.

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