Moore-Towers details struggle with long, trying season after passing on figure skating worlds
29-year-old says decision was inspired by Simone Biles' courage at Tokyo Games
Kirsten Moore-Towers and Michael Marinaro's names were glaringly missing from the list of Canadian skaters competing at this week's world championships in Montpellier, France.
It's been no secret that this season — the pair's eighth — was designed to be their last. And after a disappointing Olympics, the expectation was to see Moore-Towers, 29, and Marinaro, 30, back and ready to compete at worlds, which began Monday and wrap up on Sunday.
But now it seems their Olympic skate may have been the last time the veteran pairs team competed together.
"I'm going to be super honest and candid," Moore-Towers said on CBC Sports' That Figure Skating Show. "I think Mike would've liked to go to worlds.
"And I felt tired and like I couldn't fight enough fight that's required to compete your best at a world championship. I felt like our free program at the Olympics, though far from perfect and what we're capable of, I felt free in it. That was the way that I wanted to finish our season in a way that felt like we were in control."
The decision came after a long season that looked difficult from the outside. Turns out, it was even more difficult behind the scenes.
WATCH | Moore-Towers, Marinaro compete at 2022 Winter Olympics in Beijing:
The team, which trains in Oakville, Ont., was eager to start the Olympic season but had a hard time picking up speed.
They had eighth-place finishes at two smaller events and saw sixth- and fifth-place finishes on the Grand Prix circuit, not qualifying for what would've been their second Grand Prix final.
But the struggle actually started before the season began. During the summer of 2021, Moore-Towers started getting panic attacks for the first time in her life, stemming from anxiety she had around executing a triple-twist.
"I was actively looking for other partners for Mike because I was certain that I could not do this anymore," Moore-Towers said. "[The twist] has never been my favourite element, it's just never been my friend.
"Whenever I thought about putting my body through this thing that just doesn't make any sense in my brain, I was having these really aggressive and scary feelings."
At one point, Moore-Towers even had a panic attack on the highway and had to pull over and call her coach Alison Purkiss from the side of the road.
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"These kinds of things were really scary, and scary not just in the realm of sport," she said. "Why? I don't really know. ... But it was something that was very difficult, probably the hardest thing I've ever done in sport for sure."
Moore-Towers' struggles left Marinaro in a tough position as well. Finding he wasn't able to help, he took on a supporting role.
"We have a relationship that's much closer than just a business relationship," he said. "Obviously I care for her well-being, so seeing her go through this was difficult.
"I was trying to figure out the different ways I could help — we tried a couple different things, but ultimately it just came down to me just showing up prepared everyday and me just being the best I can [be] for her."
The line between success, failure
Moore-Towers dealt with similar situations in the past and worked with a lot of specialists to solve the problem. But the pair ended up not even practicing the element for two months. They did the first competition of the season with a double-twist instead, something Moore-Towers has never done.
"It was definitely humbling and we struggled a lot on competition ice but that's high performance sport," Marinaro said. "The line between success and failure is a millimetre at this level."
For Moore-Towers, one of the hardest parts was the feeling that time was running out.
"We put the pressure on ourselves with Vanessa and Eric entering the picture and wanting to be at the level we were at in the 2019-2020 season," she said, referring to fellow pairs skaters Vanessa James and Eric Radford who made a last-minute Olympic bid for the Canadian team.
"The 110 per cent effort was there everyday and it just wasn't showing in competition, which is almost like a metaphor for what life is."
And that sentiment was reflected in their Olympic performance. Despite this being Marinaro's second Games and Moore-Towers' third and them having six clean practice skates in Beijing, the tension started in the short with a freak, double-fall during their throw triple loop. The two finished 10th overall.
Moore-Towers says she still hasn't watched their Olympic skates, and doesn't plan to do so for a while.
"It was the worst [Games] for either of us and that's not how you want your last Olympic games to go," she said. "Sometimes it slips from your grasp and we don't know the reason why."
Looking forward
Moore-Towers' decision to both not go to worlds and share the reason why will no doubt go down as a part of that narrative. She was inspired by American gymnast Simone Biles' decision to withdraw from events at the 2020 Tokyo Olympics.
"If someone like Simone Biles can come forward and say 'I just can't do it,' it made me feel so much less alone and less ashamed really of my own thoughts," she said. "They were really parallel timings, it was the exact same time frame that I was having my struggles.
They'll skate on the Stars on Ice tour, giving them a chance to perform in front of friends, family and a Canadian audience.
But in the meantime, they'll cheer on their Canadian teammates from home, especially Evelyn Walsh and Trennt Michaud who took their spot in France.
Seeing their friends get this opportunity cushioned the blow for Marinaro, who admitted he's going to try and keep busy while world championships are happening.
"Mike has been there for me for everything since day one," Moore-Towers said of her partner. "And I love him so much, cherish his opinion and value his voice and like to think I would give him anything in the world that he asked for.
"I think it says a lot that I could not give him this."
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