Rio Olympics: How to skip work to watch the Games
Best ways to combine patriotism, procrastination
By Benjamin Blum, CBC Sports procrastinator-in-chief
The Rio Olympics are underway, which means it's time to figure out how to avoid work to watch the Games.
Sure, you don't actually need to skip work. You could open an incognito window and stream the events with the sound off — and since we're streaming most events, we encourage that type of behaviour — but then you'd be constantly looking over both shoulders for you supervisor and muffling your celebrations if Canada wins a medal.
Don't worry. I'm here to help you enjoy this summer sports-fest while still appearing to be a model employee. While it may be tempting, don't play the "Zika card" right away as it could cause unnecessary panic.
With that out of the way, here are five excuses to get out of work so you can watch the Olympics.
'I'm a reserve on the team'
Emphasize that it's critical that all your attention be focused on the Games in case an emergency substitution is required. You wouldn't ask Andre De Grasse or Usain Bolt to photocopy those briefings with a medal at stake, right?
Also, don't specify which "team" you're a reserve for, they'll only ask you for a demonstration. Should this happen, find an elegant way to escape the situation.
'It's a (insert religion here) holiday!'
Tread lightly with this one, especially if you've used it recently to make your long weekend just a little bit longer.
However, if you belong to the Church of Basketball and consider Kia Nurse to be your Lord and Saviour, you could classify the Olympics a high holiday.
Alternatively, make up your own holiday. It's worked in the past.
'Can't come in today, I've got turf toe.'
No one really knows what turf toe is, so drop that line for an instant day off.
Should your boss inquire, make it sound really graphic and gross. A quick trip to WebMD should help, or just mention the word "necrosis" and they'll back off immediately.
'I have to go now. My planet needs me.'
First, make sure your employer isn't a fan of vintage episodes of The Simpsons. Then, drop this stunner on them.
You may be called in for further psychiatric evaluation after the closing ceremony, but it's totally worth it. I speak from experience. Or do I?
Yes, yes I do.
'Hey, want to watch the Games at my place? I have snacks...'
Sometimes it's best to be honest with your boss and co-workers. The Olympics are a big deal, and other people feel that way too, so don't be afraid to break the ice with a fair and generous offer.
Plus, if everyone's skipping work, then technically no one is. Flawless logic right there.
Whatever line you use to avoid work, just remember: it's not a lie if you believe it.