South Korea pens open letter to Canada: "We feel you guys"
SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA—Canada, It's South Korea. We just wanted to pop over because we heard the bad news and if there is one thing South Korea can relate to, it's batshit crazy neighbours. So relax, stop hyperventilating into that bag – is that – is that a bag of milk? What? Doesn't matter. Chill out because South Korea has been through it all before.
First, I know you're still grieving, but you've got to get out of denial and move a little closer to acceptance. Watching everyone think the Electoral College wouldn't put Trump in the White House was heartbreaking. We went through the same thing when Kim Jong-il died. I remember saying, "They can't put Kim Jong-un in! He looks like he just wandered out of a cornfield! Maybe they'll give up on this whole dictator thing?" We hate to be the ones to tell you, but Trump is going to be president, even if his head looks like the cornfield Kim Jong-un just wandered out of.
- BREAKING: Trump has been confusing "Putin" and "poutine" this whole time
- Syrian orphan sorry to hear North American childhoods ruined by enjoyable film about ghosts
Sure, that's a scary thought. You're probably worried that someone will make fun of him and blind with rage, he'll try to access Twitter on the wrong computer at 3 am and his tiny fingers will accidentally type in nuclear launch codes. We get it. When The Interview came out we just spent an entire week under our desks, but we didn't blow up either. So, unless Seth Rogan and James Franco go on SNL, you should be fine.
We know this is a lot of doom and gloom, but there are some positives. Whenever anyone says "I'm going to Korea!" someone always asks: "Scary Korea, or Nice Korea?" Everyone already calls you "Nice America" so think how much better you'll look now! Speaking of looks, have you even realized that at some point Donald Trump will be photographed beside Justin Trudeau? Remember how upset Trump got when they published a shot of him with a double chin? Imagine how he'll feel standing next to that prime cut of minister you guys have over there. Sorry to objectify him like that. We're a bit jealous because our president is getting impeached for illegal dealings with a secret church wizard.
I know you're worried because Trump sounds like a dictator, but our guy sounds like a dictator and also is a for real dictator and we're doing okay. Trump is only eight years max, and when it's all over we can get together over some poutine and bibimbap and have a good laugh about it. In the meantime, if you guys put on sombreros for a week he'll probably freak out and build a wall between you.
Don't miss anything from CBC Comedy - like us on Facebook.