REPORT: Smartphones now outnumber smart people
MONTREAL, QC—A recent international study from McGill University's Centre for Recent International Studies has shown that smartphones now outnumber smart people.
"There are now 1.2 smartphones for every smart person," says Dr. Allan Berkovic of McGill's Department of Mathematics and Statistics. "These data do not necessarily indicate that the proliferation of smartphone technology is causing a decline in human intelligence, but one can surmise that the average smartphone user is kind of a dumbass."
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"For example, take this Instagram account, @420hawtbae. It's just a young woman in a low-cut shirt smoking a bong, eight million followers. Suffice it to say, that's eight million people who aren't reading books," laments Berkovic.
Critics of the study cite the Flynn effect, which indicates a substantial increase in global IQ scores since the 1930s.
"Yes, it's quite clear that IQ test scores have risen on average over the years, but this information is misleading," rebuts Berkovic. "You see, human intelligence is like an onion, it has many layers. When you peel back those layers you can chop them into a fine mince and sauté them in butter until they turn golden brown. You can then deglaze your pan with Cabernet and make a nice red wine reduction and drizzle it over braised lamb shoulder," Berkovic swipes drool from the side of his mouth. "I skipped lunch for this interview."
"What Dr. Berkovic is trying to say," says Natalie Zara, a graduate student who participated in the study and sat in for Dr. Berkovic as he ran to Subway, "is that, hypothetically, smartphones could be diminishing forms of intelligence in ways that are not intuitively quantifiable."
One sec, just got a Snapchat from DJ Khaled.- Dr. Berkovic
"Being glued to your phone all day may cause intellectual atrophy that could affect, for instance, critical thinking and creativity. Instead of reading and forming opinions on world events and social issues, people are more inclined to glaze over the headline of an article and share it on social media, indicating to others that they are well informed individuals instead of mindless drones."
"That's not to say that your phone will make you stupid," says Dr. Berkovic between bites of a foot-long Italian BMT. "I'm extremely intelligent and I'm on my phone all the time. One sec, just got a Snapchat from DJ Khaled."
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