Content
Skip to Main ContentAccessibility Help
Comedy·DOES NOT FEEL FINE

REM sees surge in royalties as nuclear tensions escalate

While many have cited 2017 as a banner year for alarming world events, the band REM reports a massive upswing in royalties for their hit song about end times.
Joel Buxton · CBC Comedy ·
(Shutterstock / Vasyl Dudenko)

WORLDWIDE—While many have cited 2017 as a banner year for alarming world events, the band REM reports a massive upswing in royalties for their hit song about end times.

Musicologist Peter Wilson suspects that the song's sudden renaissance may reflect "how fucked up the world is right now."

"It's normal for old songs to see a resurgence in popularity due to current events," said Wilson.

"For example, Stealers Wheel's 'Stuck in the Middle with You' charted again after it was featured in Quentin Tarantino's popular film Reservoir Dogs."

"Likewise, David Bowie's catalogue saw renewed interest after his death last year. This is no different. People wake up in the morning with a deep and foreboding dread for the future of humanity, and they want to hear REM sing a fun song about it."

REM frontman Michael Stipe is pleased at his increase in earnings after several lean years.

"I once thought that our catalogue would provide a comfortable revenue stream indefinitely, Smashmouth-style. I mean, we recorded close to a dozen albums, most of them listenable. I really thought we were set for life."

But with the music industry's royalty system disrupted by iTunes and Spotify, REM has had to tighten their belts in recent years.

People wake up in the morning with a deep and foreboding dread for the future of humanity, and they want to hear REM sing a fun song about it.

"It got pretty bad," sighed Stipe.

"I started to make coffee at home, our drummer had to get a job at a Gabby's…we even considered selling our web domain www.REM.com to some sleep researchers."

But thanks to accelerated global warming, escalating nuclear tensions, and a U.S. president who appears to be a foolish boy trapped in an old man's body like in that movie Benjamin Button, the world is ready to embrace REM's apocalyptic message once again.

Stipe continued, "Am I concerned that society will collapse and I'll have to get a scary mask and funky souped-up car like in Mad Max? Sure. But at least now I've got the income for it."

All in all, Stipe considers the inevitable decline of western civilization, which eerily echoes that of the Roman Empire, to be a good thing.

"I mean, it's not the end of the world," added Stipe.

"Just the end of the world as we know it. And I feel fine."

Don't miss anything from CBC Comedy - like us on Facebook.