RATE MY DOCTOR: Doctors Who, Watson, and Quinn Medicine Woman

Name: Michaela Anne Quinn, M.D.

School: Woman's Medical College of Pennsylvania

Location of Practice: Colorado

Field: "Medicine"? Just generally "medicine."

OVERALL QUALITY: 3.5

TOP COMMENT (J. Doe): I went to Dr. Quinn for a flu shot. She spent 20 minutes telling me about the "recently discovered" germ theory of disease. I said I knew all about that, I just needed to get a flu shot.

She said there aren't enough rations in our little town to save all the citizens, even if such a "vaccination" had been discovered yet. I said I think they've been around for almost a hundred years. She said that one hundred years ago, this encampment had been nothing but mountains. I don't know what she means really, Denver is a very well-developed city. Anyway I went to the walk-in clinic next door and got the shot. She was pretty nice anyway though.

STAFF: 2.5 - While I was waiting I noticed she would pull in random people off the street—pastors, farmers, firemen—and have them assist with operations, which didn't seem great.

HELPFULNESS: 3.0 - She was nice, although she said that sadly she would have to chop off the arm of a guy who got a cut on his hand. Like that's not even what he came in for, he just scraped it on a tongue depressor a little bit while the doctor was checking on the cough he came in for. He, too, was leaving to get a second opinion on both.

PUNCTUALITY: 5.0 - She was on time for our appointment and said "To be late is to let down the very spirit of the community, Sully." I would have been fine if she was a bit late, no big deal, also my name isn't Sully.

KNOWLEDGE 4.0: Good but seemed a bit… out of date I guess?

Name: Doctor Who

School: Nowhere, I don't think, didn't turn out to be a real doctor

Location of Practice: All over

Department: Again, not an actual doctor

OVERALL QUALITY: 1.4

TOP COMMENT (Alek D.): FIRE IMMEDIATELY.

STAFF: 2.5 - One "companion." That's what she kept calling him, which, to be honest, sounds more like a friend who just came along to hang out. Like, the companion seems nice and even clever, but I'd really love someone with professional qualifications to be helping out if the doctor herself does not seem to have them. Too much to ask?
No it is not too much to ask.

HELPFULNESS: 2.5 - Charming. A lot of heart(s). But not a doctor. Like doesn't even let you shorten the word, I think Doctor is just her first name or something?

PUNCTUALITY: 0.1 - Literally difficult to know what dimension she is in when your appointment is supposed to start. So that's… that's not great. Time is money.

KNOWLEDGE: ?.? - She would point these sort of ray-wands at me or hold up various items and say, "Do you know what this does?" Umm, I'm not supposed to be the expert here. I'm not the one who went to medical school, though I don't think you went either. Also the items were a stethoscope, a pencil, and what seemed to be a human kidney. So.

Name: John H. Watson, M.D.

School: Medical College of St Bartholomew's Hospital

Location of Practice: London

Department: … clues?

Overall Quality: 4.1

TOP COMMENT (S. House): Seemed like a good enough fellow. From his bearing I could tell he was a military man, and from the side he parted his hair, probably spent a fair amount of his mission time in Western Asia. From the speed at which he analyzed my issue (not too fast, not too slow, methodical but with pace) I could tell he had three eggs for breakfast, though without the salt he'll usually consume with them. By the way this is I, Sherlock Holmes writing this, I need you to know that, I need you to know how smart I am.

STAFF: 2.0 - yes this is still Holmes here, I mean really he has no staff, he is my staff. I am in charge of him, if I'm not being clear. So N/A, I suppose, but I already wrote 2.0.

HELPFULNESS: 4.7 - he has been of great aid to me on several cases, though I assume they would have been completed without his aid, also I guess if you're asking how he is as a medical doctor, not sure, not sure

PUNCTUALITY: 3.8 - Given the frequency that I am forced to demand "Watson come here at once!" it's probably not great, he's never around when I need him. Then again he does come pretty quickly when I scream like that, so add another couple points to the score. I don't know how to go back, this isn't my typewriter, he usually does the writing.

KNOWLEDGE: 4.9 - I mean… come on. He's quite good. But we know who gets the 5.0, don't we? The only one who would get a 5.0? I mean. Come on.

It's me.

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