I love Christmas, but I don't 'listen to Wonderful Christmastime' love it

It's Christmas again. What a beautiful time of year.

This season is about giving. It is about sharing. It is about togetherness. It's about love, tolerance, and acceptance.

But there is one thing that I will not accept.

One drawback to the season—indeed, perhaps the only roadblock to my complete and wholehearted love of Christmas—is Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime."

I cannot encourage, nor even passively condone, the playing of a song that brings discomfort to so many.

How could a holiday so wonderful, so right, breed an artistic product so wrong?

Moreover, how could this sentimental drivel come from the same incredible songsmith who wrote "Hey Jude"? How could such lightweight piffle arrive from the mind of the same talented musician who wrote "Eleanor Rigby"?

How could such facile nonsense flow from the pen of the man who wrote "Silly Love Songs," "Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da," and "Ebony and Ivory"??? Okay, actually, perhaps I'm starting to understand.

If you see me leave your Christmas party suddenly and without warning this holiday season and you're wondering why, please do not assume that it is because you have upset me. Or at least do not assume that it is because you've said something to upset me.

Instead, ask yourself one simple question: did I just press play on the song "Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney? If you did, you have your explanation for my departure.

Or if there is a DJ at your party, ask instead: did my DJ, whom I (negligently) failed to warn about never ever doing so, just press play on the song "Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney?

If you've invited me to your party, it's best to behave as if you've invited someone with a deadly peanut allergy. Will you be leaving it to chance whether there are peanuts lying around somewhere that might show up in a dish or two through the night? Or will you thoroughly brief each guest that peanuts are not to be present, because one guest's life may depend on it???

I'm getting worked up. I'd like to take a step back and clear up a common misconception about the song (if that word is even suitable here). Though McCartney's band Wings appears in the video for the offensive single, and though said single later appeared as a bonus track on that band's Back to the Egg album, he recorded the song during the sessions for 1980's McCartney II, and he played every single instrument himself. So: there is nobody but Paul McCartney to blame for this.

Well, and you, if you play it.

And blamed you shall be.

So please do not play it, and do your part to keep this an enjoyable holiday, especially for me. Others are gaining on it, all because of this nightmarish tune's continued omnipresence. Yes, Christmas has excitement, giving, and food, but Halloween includes most of those things as well, and not only do you not have to hear "Wonderful Christmastime," but you get to hear "Monster Mash."

Merry Christmas, and simply have a "Wonderful Christmastime"–free day.

Don't miss anything from CBC Comedy - like us on Facebook.