Hello, this is your credit card company. Did you buy an egg salad sandwich at 7-11? Okay, why?

Hello, sir!

Sorry to disturb you. This should only take a minute, and then you can be on your way.

The reason I'm calling is that we noticed an irregularity on your credit card statement.

You see, it says here—sorry, it's almost certain that this was someone else who got hold of your information and is doing some nonsense with your card, but we do have to ask.

I'm wondering—we're wondering—whether you purchased an egg salad sandwich at the Durham Street 7-11 location last night. Or… this morning might be more accurate to say. The time was… 1:45 am.

Sure, I'll give you a minute to think.

Oh. You did? I see.

Do you mind… if I ask why?

I see. And you felt okay about doing that?

Okay. Thank you.

No, yes, absolutely, everything's resolved, thank you for resolving the question of whether there was any suspicious activity on your account.

But, I mean, this is still pretty suspicious activity, no? Just in the sense of… food?

The funny thing is sir… I have to admit something to you right now. The system did not flag this purchase as a noteworthy occurrence. This call is something I myself took initiative to do because… looking at your statements, this actually isn't that much of an irregularity.

I'm seeing another egg salad purchase at the same location from just three days prior. Had you… had you recovered from that purchase by the time you made this one, sir?

I'm also seeing a purchase of… sorry, I don't recognize this McDonald's menu item from the previous week. A FishMacNug Supreme? Purchased at 3:30 am? Does this ring a b— Oh. Oh it's a customized meal you invented that they make for you. I see. Does that mean you are a regular visitor to that establish– Ah, yes.

No, I don't suppose I am "Down with the Golden Arches," sir. I don't suppose I am that.

Sir, I'd like to get back to the egg salad sandwich, however, as that is the most recent and pertinent purchase.

Is there any chance that you might do this again in future?

Okay. Thank you for your honesty.

Sir, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to put a temporary hold on your credit card. This shouldn't greatly affect you, as it's limited to certain locations and times. Specifically the 7-11 near your house, between the hours of midnight and 6 a.m.

Sure, no of course I understand your frustration. Sir I'm having a little trouble understanding you. Sir I can't—are you eating something, sir?

Oh. When did you buy that? It doesn't show up anywhere here on—

Oh. Yes I see. You bought three egg salad sandwiches last night. Yes I understand how it's listed now.

Did you at least refrigerate the one you're—

No? No. No I see. Just out on the counter overnight, eh?

Sir, we are taking away your credit card. Please do not contact us again. No, we'll cover the remaining balance. We just can't in good conscience be involved in this sort of thing.

Thank you.

Have a nice day.

Click.

Don't miss anything from CBC Comedy - like us on Facebook.