Aging construction worker seeks less physically demanding sexual harassment job

FREDERICTON, NB—A decade since retiring from construction work, 62-year-old Harold Koche says he's on the hunt for a low-key, part-time position that will allow him to once again blatantly harass women on the street.

"You don't realize it when you have the job, but there literally aren't any other industries besides construction where that kind of behaviour wouldn't immediately land you a criminal record," he said while crushing a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon with his bare foot.

• Man confident waitress appreciates being called "darlin'"
• Jock bro who doesn't "get" appeal of Justin Trudeau immediately catcalls random woman

"Unfortunately with my arthritis and shoulder surgery in the spring, my wife and our adult children decided over a three-course dinner that I might be better off behaving like a total scumbag somewhere that doesn't consistently require me to wield a hammer."

After taking a career test at an adult learning center, Koche discovered that given his age, level of education and general demeanor, the positions he might be best suited for at this point are "gross Uncle" or "rowdy Hooters patron." With paying work in these fields difficult if not impossible to come by, Koche has had to consider alternatives.

According to his wife Yvonne, depression is becoming a growing concern. "He just sits in his chair wolf-whistling at girls in Verizon commercials now. We went out for a bite to eat the other day and he actually shouted, 'Boy I'd sure like to give you a ride home!' at the Wendy's logo. Then he just started crying, and asking what happened to his life, and pounding his fists on the table."

So far, Koche's attempts to get back into the work force have not gone well. A local funeral parlour called him "not their kind of hearse driver" after a horn-honking incident and Toys R Us relieved him of his part-time cashier duties for yelling "nice melons!" far too loudly at a special edition of "The Voice" Barbie doll. Before applying for any new positions, Koche has decided to seek the help of a therapist named Sapphire who charges twenty dollars a song plus cover.

Our new web series Coming In premieres on Monday!

Don't miss anything from CBC Comedy - like us on Facebook.