5 ways the Raptors can help to lift the weight of reality
After starting the season with a blistering five game winning streak, a series of tough losses on the road have brought the Toronto Raptors back down to earth, reminding us all of our fragile mortality. But the team's 'never-give-up' attitude is giving fans a reason to hope for the future and a way to overlook the horrors of waking life. Here are five ways the new and improved Raptors lineup is already helping you put the gathering tide of darkness out of mind.
1. Kyle Lowry's slimmed down physique
Having spent the off-season working out and shedding weight, the team leader's newfound athleticism has already helped distract from the fact that income inequality has reached its highest rates in modern history and continues to grow. If Lowry can remain healthy, it may offset the injustice of seeing the majority of new wealth concentrated among a tiny minority of the world's richest one percent.
2. DeMarre Carroll's defensive prowess
Adding Carroll from the Atlanta Hawks has given the Raptors the perimeter defender they needed to let you forget that climate change is ravishing our planet, and we have likely reached the point of no return on carbon emissions caused by human activity. Finding innovative solutions for the nightmare scenario – cities underwater, massive food shortages, resource wars – can be put off if Carroll continues to execute well.
3. Luis Scola's veteran presence
Having the versatile Argentinian in the locker room makes it easy to ignore our failing infrastructure and underfunded social institutions taxed by youth unemployment, disappearing jobs and an aging population.
4. Canadians Cory Joseph and Anthony Bennett are playing for the home team!
ISIS grows more powerful by the day.
5. DeMar DeRozan keeps getting better
Despite being born into privilege and living in an era with access to transformative technology, you still lack the ambition or will power to affect positive change in your community. You're too willing to blame others for your shortcomings and you're afraid of the hard work required to yield results you can be proud of in your career and relationships. Your cynical attitude towards those who strive for something better belies your true selfish, entitled nature. You've let friends and opportunities slip away for no reason beyond your own narcissistic fear of rejection, and you deserve to be melancholy. Also, DeMar's dunk on Rudy Gobert was sick as hell: