Couple has baby to get back at noisy neighbour
TORONTO, ON—Josh Boshler, an aspiring progressive rock drummer, has a 37-piece drumkit in his bachelor apartment. "I'm not letting dozens of noise complaints get in the way of my music career," says Boshler. "Anyone who says I make too much noise can talk to the toms!"
"The breaking point for us was when he got a gong," says Jordan Ling, who, along with his partner Jyotsna Bharat, shares a thin wall with Boshler. "Who does he think he is, Neil Peart?"
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"I sympathize with the couple, but as long as he's quiet between 11pm and 7am, there is nothing we can do," says Pete Tomczak, the building's superintendent. "It's unbelievable that he takes full advantage of the city's noise complaint parameters and plays 16 hours a day."
"Jordon and I were at our wits end," says Bharat. "We tried everything – ear plugs, white noise machines, a sensory deprivation tank. Nothing worked, so we opted for petty revenge."
"We asked ourselves the question, 'what could possibly be more annoying than a 45-minute rendition of King Crimson's In The Wake of Poseidon?'" recounts Ling. "The incessant wailing of a infant child was the first thing that came to mind."
"I had some moral issues with bringing a human life into this world for retaliatory purposes, but with the rental market the way it is, it would be too hard to find a place this nice at a reasonable price, so moving just wasn't an option."
"We certainly were not ready to have a child," says Ling. "I'm in grad school with a mountain of debt, Jyotsna is just starting her career, and we'd only been living together for two months. All things considered, our mutual hatred of prog rock was all the justification we needed."
"Wah, waaah," explains Ling and Bharat's 8-month-old Eva, "Waaaaaaaaah!"
"We couldn't have been blessed with a more colicky baby," says Bharat fondly. "We pushed her cradle right up against Josh's wall, so if that doesn't drive him nuts, I don't know what will."
"Joke's on them! I have been drumming without ear plugs for 10 years," gloats Boshler. "I can't hear a thing!"
"We haven't received any noise complaints from Josh for some reason," reports Tomczak. "Luckily for Jordan and Jyotsna, Josh blew his rent on cymbals three months in a row, so he'll be evicted by the end of the month."
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