Comedy·SURPRISING

Anti-vaxxer ironically wonders why he's not immune to criticism

Tim Kerry strongly doubts the wisdom of vaccinating children based on an article he read on his phone this one time.
(Shutterstock / FOTOKITA)

Tim Kerry is from Oakville, and strongly doubts the wisdom of vaccinating children based on an article he read on his phone this one time.

He has recently expressed outrage at the fact that he continues to receive negative feedback in response to these opinions. Even though he thought he had ensured, through his initial pleas to not judge him or "take things personally," a lifetime immunity from any criticism.

"Just seems silly that I shouldn't be totally protected against trouble in the future from saying these things," says Kerry.

"I'm open with my views. I believe in free speech. My decision to speak freely should have somehow… inoculated me against future consequences. Do you know what I mean?"

Kerry, who has described science as "a gut-feeling kind of thing for me" — not in the sense that there is an actual science to the way that everything including one's gut works, but rather in the sense of just thinking of things that might be kind of interesting if they were true, and then doubling down on them — says that he believed he phrased his initial request for tolerance in the right way to defend and cushion him.

Kerry says that the article he read made a great impact on him (he doesn't remember the website right now, but can easily Google it if you want him to), more than any "history book, which is about the past, the time when we believed things like the earth being round, whereas I'm more interested in dealing with the here and now and what's affecting people today."

When asked to show the aforementioned website via his suggested method of Googling, Kerry quickly changed his tune.

"Oh wow, you do want me to Google it? That's sort of weird, that's actually kind of desperate of you? Plus now you believe what the internet says? Because I thought you were all about your science books so that's kind of weird. Anyway you can find great stuff on YouTube about it too. Very convincing stuff."

Kerry concluded by expressing his hope that sharing his views with everyone around him would spread his feelings about vaccines from person to person, through some kind of intellectual contagion, though he's pretty sure that's not how things work and he figures his idea will just kind of magically stop spreading on its own, and isn't that big of a danger anyway.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jeremy has been a staff writer for This Hour Has 22 Minutes, performed stand-up comedy at the Just For Laughs and Winnipeg Comedy Festivals, and co-created/stars in the popular video series The Urbane Explorer/Finding Bessarion. A 3x Canadian Comedy Award–winner and published humour columnist, he also wrote your favourite joke, the one about the fish trying to get a job at a bank.