Children of anti-vaxxers take health into own tiny little hands after realizing parents are morons
BANFF, AB—Siblings Cavanaugh, 7 and Salinger, 3, recently developed a sinking feeling that their parents had never had them vaccinated. This week, they've decided to take their health into their own tiny little hands.
The two young boys are victim to a growing trend of parents who have rejected both modern science and common sense. The anti-vaccination movement started when one uneducated person paid for the domain name of www.Totallyrealsciencefacts.org and wrote an unfounded and borderline unintelligible post about how vaccines are dangerous and are used by Big Pharma to reap billions of dollars from free vaccines.
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Since then, parents have been jumping on this bandwagon and refusing to vaccinate their children, putting them in danger of deadly, often long eradicated childhood diseases and risking the health of other children who may be unable to receive vaccines for legitimate reasons.
In response, children as young as three have started to realize what their reckless parents are doing, and started going door-to-door asking strangers to help get them covered.
"I don't like to get sick so I goed to the doctor and ask fer da shots and I get it. Oh oh and I scared of shots too," explains Salinger.
"Our neighbour never had kids but he understands basic science and logic and stuff and he took us to get our vaccines. Our parents never even noticed we were gone. They were too busy looking for gluten in things and brewing kombucha in the basement," adds Cavanaugh.
"I was just standing outside the convenience store when this group of weird grade school kids approached me," explains Jack Jasperson.
"I thought there were gonna ask me to buy them smokes or booze but they wanted me to take them to the clinic for shots. Ha! I thought it was some kind of joke. But obviously I took them right away."
Doctors could not be more elated at this phenomenon.
"I think it's fantastic," says Dr. Karl Obermuft. "Children used to scream and cry when getting their shots. Now they're screaming and crying because measles and rubella are terrifying and they don't want to die."
Cavanagh and Salinger's parents refused to comment due to concerns that our recording equipment's Wi-Fi signal could cause brain cancer.
Are cell phones bad for kids? I don't know, let's ask some:
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