Alice's Adventures in Fabricland and other children's books rewritten for adults

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Few things are as soothing as the beloved books we all read as children. No matter how many years pass, every word, picture, and rhyme is safely ensconced in our memory. And yet, many 40-somethings tell us they "feel weird" getting on the subway and publicly reading Hop on Pop.

Today, we here at Random House have decided to solve that problem. We have taken 10 classic children's books and revamped them so that they're relevant to adult life.

Featuring a pleasing array of problems, scenarios, and situations that adults will find instantly familiar, these titles combine the sweetness of childhood with the nonstop horror of modern-day adulthood. Enjoy!

Goodnight, Man

A woman tries repeatedly and respectfully to end a Tinder date that's just kind of meh, but buddy reeeeally isn't getting the hint.

The Very Hungry Freelance Biller

Featuring unique and beautiful illustrations, this book follows the story of Tanya, a freelance writer who invoiced a client over a month ago but has yet to see any payment for her work despite two follow-up emails that have gone unanswered.

Where the Child Things Are

Tim and Audrey, exhausted parents of two-year-old Max, have ransacked their one-bedroom condo trying to find his favourite pacifier while he has a screaming meltdown, but neither can remember where they put it.

Berenstain Bears and the Fantasy of Home Ownership

Despite the fact that Mama is a brain surgeon and Papa is a double-lawyer, bidding wars and jacked-up asking prices make it impossible for this family to realistically achieve their longtime dream of buying a house in Vancouver.

The Forgiving Tee

Busy-ass Henry hasn't had time to work out in probably six months, and now that he's newly in his forties, his metabolism has slowed way down. Fortunately, Henry can throw on that XL navy blue t-shirt he got for free at a medical suppliers' conference and no one will be the wiser!

The Cash in the Hash

Paul's been trying to make it as a stand-up comedian for years, but it's a constant struggle to make ends meet. When a buddy suggests he start selling hash on the street as an easy way to pay his rent, Paul is seriously tempted. But is that how he rolls??

The Non-Committal Prince

Lauren's 28 and in a new relationship with Cameron. He's starting to show signs that he's really not interested in getting married, but it's probably fine! He'll come around!

Green Eggs and Him

Lauren's now 33 and still in a relationship with Cameron. He's starting to show signs that he's really not interested in ever having kids, but it's probably fine! He'll come around!

Charlotte's WebMD

It's 4 am on a weeknight and Charlotte has a vague headachy feeling. Clearly, it's time to get up and read about different types of fatal brain tumours on WebMD for the next two hours.

Alice's Adventures in Fabricland

Look, some Sunday afternoons are filled with mundane errands and this one's no different. Alice has to get groceries, return the rental car, and then pop into Fabricland for a minute to find some material to reupholster the chair in the living room that her elderly Persian cat, Dr. Bonkers, has yet again destroyed.

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