Comedy·FOR THE 'GRAM

Woman posts photo of book on 5 social media platforms, forgets to read it

“I meant to read the book, honestly,” says Bjorn, 27.
(Shutterstock / sianstock)

WINNIPEG, MB—After triumphantly arranging her brand-new book beside a lipstick-stained Starbucks coffee cup in order to take a photograph to post to her Instagram account, local woman Melanie Bjorn admits that she forgot to read it.

"I meant to read the book, honestly," says Bjorn, 27. "I bought the thing with the intention of sitting in a coffee shop looking slightly aloof yet approachable, you know? I wanted to look like I was reading but also open to the possibility of being asked out on a date by a cute boy who is hopefully also holding the same book, but do you know how hard it is to choose a filter for a picture of a book? It took several minutes, and then I was too tired to read."

Performative Literary Social Media is pervasive amongst millennials.- Natalie Vern, psychologist

Bjorn insists she is not the only one in her friend group who takes pictures of the books she is reading, even recalling instances acquaintances have posted stacks of books they intend to read.

"I would never post a stack of books! I wouldn't even know where to begin with arranging the books to look like I didn't spend any time arranging them. Plus I only own this one book, so..."

Psychologist Natalie Vern explains this trend is nothing new.

"Performative Literary Social Media is pervasive amongst millennials who are desperate to prove they are not simply wasting their time taking selfies or pictures of their legs in bubble baths. Pictures of books are a way of shouting into the online abyss: 'I am more than how big my eyes look in a cute snapchat filter! I am also aware of reading!'"

After a close run-in with a social media follower who asked her what the book she was reading was about, Bjorn admits she did spend a few seconds glancing at the description on its sleeve. "I was able to discern the genre and the main character's name, and that is what got me through the conversation," she recalls, bristling at the memory. "I'm sorry, it's hard for me to talk about."

Bjorn, though triggered by the memory of her social media presence colliding with the mundane nature of her real life, is determined to press onward and finish her book without letting anything stand in her way. "Today I read half a page before I got distracted by looking at how many 'likes' the picture of it got. That's something!"

When asked what the book that she was posting was about, Bjorn hesitates and then looks sheepish.

"A girl on a train?"

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Allana is currently performing with the Mainstage cast for The Second City’s 80th revue, Party Today, Panic Tomorrow. She is a two-time Canadian Comedy Award nominee & past winner of the Tim Sims Encouragement Fund Award. Most recently, her credits include writing for Comedy Network’s THE BEAVERTON, on which she also plays Beauty Expert, Amber. Her solo characters were featured in both the Toronto Sketch Comedy Festival and Montreal Sketch Comedy Festival’s Best of the Fest shows, and earned her a spot in JFL42’s New Faces Character showcase. She can be seen performing around Toronto with troupe, Panacea (Top 10 Comedy Shows of 2015, Now Magazine & Torontoist). Allana is a proud alumna of The Sketchersons. Yes we blam!