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Comedy·IT'S A PROCESS

After rocky start, moderates implore public to give Trump 65th chance

A string of recent unpopular policy proposals, many are already at their wit’s end
Blayne Smith · CBC Comedy ·
(Shutterstock / jctabb)

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After a string of recent policy proposals that have been unpopular on both sides of the aisle, many are already at their wit's end with the Trump administration a mere two months in. Moderates, however, have asked the public to give him another chance, which will be his 65th so far.

This comes on the heels of the recent news that a vote would once again be delayed on Trumpcare, which has been incredibly unpopular even within the Republican party.

Far-right members seek to block the bill in favour of their plan to send the sick out into a field and let the coyotes have at them. It is even less popular with the public and it seems that absolutely no one in their right mind wants it, though the number of people not in their right mind would likely increase with this new plan, due to massive losses of coverage.  

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, attempting to ease the public's concerns, delivered the following statement while riding a poor person.

"Look, this is going to be a learning process. Trump is new to politics; he has never held an elected position before. One might suggest that makes him wildly unqualified for this position, sure. Yes, it has been an unmitigated disaster so far, but you guys wouldn't do any better, so cool it, all right?"

The public had just been asked to give Trump his 64th chance after last week's preliminary budget proposal sought to greatly increase defense spending by taking money from what the administration described as "almost everything else possible."

Trump is new to politics; he has never held an elected position before. One might suggest that makes him wildly unqualified for this position, sure.- Paul Ryan

White House insiders confirmed this came about as a result of a staffers accidentally allowing Trump to watch Top Gun on Turner Classic Movies past his bedtime. He then allegedly declared that he wanted to be a fighter jet, and got to work on the new budget.

Professional Cruella de Vil impersonator Kellyanne Conway sought to remind the public of Trump's business track record to renew their confidence.

"Think of Trump's presidency like his Taj Mahal Casino. Despite filing for bankruptcy within its first year, he was able to keep it open and declare bankruptcy on it two more times after that. So yes, it may seem like Trump is bankrupting America, but if everyone just gives him a chance, he'll be able to bankrupt this great country at least two more times."

"Trust me."

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