5 'O Canada' hacks that keep the focus squarely on men

The unthinkable has finally happened. After months of debate and a Senate vote, the national anthem is now officially gender-neutral. Now, instead of the line "In all thy sons command," Canadians are expected to sing "In all of us command."

While some may applaud the new language for being inclusive, most of us see it as yet another example of political correctness gone mad. If you find yourself in the latter camp, here are some cool hacks you can use to refocus O Canada on boys and men!

Use the power of imagination

While singing the national anthem, close your eyes and imagine a big, strong man with huge, rippling muscles. Maybe he's not wearing a shirt? And he's waving at another big, strong man who's wearing jean shorts. These men are friends. And they are winking at each other in a tough and patriotic way. This is the story of Canada.

Testosterone

Just because O Canada has gone soft doesn't mean you have to! Keep yourself swole by injecting 3ccs of testosterone into your neck as you sing our country's theme song. Not only will this give you an aggressive edge, but juicing up in public will also remind everyone that testosterone is Canada's hormone.

Get physical

Don't just stand there and let a gender-neutral O Canada mock you—do something about it! The best way to protest the assault on our country's traditions is to start a fistfight with another man during the national anthem's glorious opening bars. Fistfights are a part of every Canadian man's heritage, and that's something the PC Brigade can't take away.

Metallica

The government may have made O Canada's lyrics gender-neutral, but they can't control how you sing them. Our recommendation? Shout the national anthem in a super-macho James Hetfield voice to emphasize the song's inherently masculine nature. James Hetfield is one of the manliest singers out there and his band Metallica is a shining example of what can happen when men work together.

Conceive a son

When most people hear the term "baby-makin' music," they think of artists like Marvin Gaye or Usher. True Canadians know that our national anthem is basically the sexiest song of all time. A great way to honour our Canadian forefathers is to crank O Canada and conceive a beautiful baby boy with your partner (or a volunteer). Your son will eventually grow into a man, and that will drive the government crazy. Nice work, papa!

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