How Tasneem Jamal used quantum physics to explore friendship, identity and memory in her latest novel
How I Wrote It | Valeriia Brusianina | CBC Books | Posted: May 8, 2025 5:11 PM | Last Updated: May 8
The Kitchener, Ont.-based writer shares how she wrote I Never Said That I Was Brave
Drawn to themes of subjective reality, instability and infidelity, Tasneem Jamal was also keenly interested in the unknown world of quantum physics. As these ideas began to surface, so too did the narrative of the story.
And from that, I Never Said That I Was Brave was born.
"I sort of got to play with these personal obsessions in a setting that was coming very powerfully to me," Jamal told CBC Books in an interview.
Weaving together the stories of two women — the unnamed narrator and her lifelong friend Miriam — as they navigate the process of cultural assimilation after immigrating to Canada from Uganda in the 1970s, I Never Said That I Was Brave is inspired by Jamal's own memories and vivid scenes from her childhood in Kitchener, Ont.
Jamal is also the author of Where the Air is Sweet and was named one of CBC's writers to watch in 2014. Her work has appeared in Chatelaine, Saturday Night magazine and the Literary Review of Canada.
Set between the 1970s and 2010s, I Never Said That I Was Brave traces the evolving dynamics of a friendship marked by love, affection and deep-seated competitiveness.
The narrator often leaves gaps in the narrative, and it's within this intentional blurriness that the novel begins to ask questions: Whose story is being told? Who is betraying whom? What is right and what is wrong?
"I just want there to be questions in [the] reader's mind, because there were questions for me," Jamal said.
In her own words, she described how she crafted I Never Said That I Was Brave.
The theme of obsession
"For the characters, obsession is a way to reveal what is going on with them because there's a lot going on unconsciously. As bright as they both are, they're not really self-aware in many ways.
"Miriam is not just an astrophysic, but specifically dark matter and black holes. For her, this is an obsession because it's revealing to the reader that she's searching for something.
"Ultimately, we see that Miriam is searching for light. She's had this core experience — when her brother died — that there's something in the universe that is good, and that's what she's clinging to. As the novel goes on and she starts to spiral, she's clinging to her science, almost like a life raft.
"And [the] narrator is a character who, in many ways, is erasing herself. She's erasing herself from the narrative, and resenting it at the same time.
I think these obsessions become a way to reveal what is probably their life's work — their life's challenge. And not practical work, but emotional.
- Tasneem Jamal
"The idea of 'I was born to be in the background' did resonate for her, in the sense that she saw it as the reason she can handle Miriam, because Miriam's always centre stage. But she herself is quite resentful that Miriam is centre stage.
"I think these obsessions become a way to reveal what is probably their life's work — their life's challenge. And not practical work, but emotional. What is it that's maybe the thing keeping me from being happy, or the thing that is helping me be happy?"
Dark Matter as the foundation
"What interested me about dark matter, especially as a metaphor in writing the novel, is that dark matter cannot be detected because it doesn't interact with light. You can't see it, and we don't really know what it is, but it interacts with gravity, affecting things around it. Dark matter is known to exist because of its impact on other things.
"As a metaphor for a novel, this sets up a structure where the narrator is telling you something, but what she's saying has gaps. It's shaped by something you can't see.
As a metaphor for a novel, this sets up a structure where the narrator is telling you something, but what she's saying has gaps. - Tasneem Jamal
"This metaphor is so powerful for me because it signals to the reader that things aren't as they seem. There are layers beneath the surface. It's a signal to pay attention, to keep a lookout for what's being hidden. I would say the metaphor of dark matter is the foundation of the book.
"I've always been interested in the instability of things, so I just gravitated toward it. But once I decided I wanted it to be central to the book, I did more conscious research.
"I had two physics experts read the book at various stages. One was Erin Bow. She's a particle physicist and an artist. She read the manuscript at a fairly early stage and was great at pointing out things — even practical things, like, 'Is this a reasonable career path for Miriam as an astrophysicist? Is this a reasonable area of expertise?' Because at first, I had her studying both dark matter and black holes, and Erin pointed out that this would be like a physician being an expert in both pediatrics and obstetrics. You have to pick one. That was really helpful.
"Then, another astrophysicist looked at the final sections I wrote after Erin had given it a read-through. So I felt very comfortable that all the science I used had been vetted by actual scientists."
Place of songs in the novel
"For me, the title immediately expresses their fallibility. They both see themselves as not enough and recognize their own inadequacies. The line comes from Leonard Cohen's So Long, Marianne, and it grabbed me. It felt like a plaintive message: 'I never pretended to be more.' There's something fundamentally human about it, and it struck me as applying not just to the characters, but to all of us who go through the experience of life.
That line really captures the emotion of the entire story — this narrator is trapped in herself, in the margins of her life, afraid of her own heart. But it still beats."
- Tasneem Jamal
"Songs have always been foundational in my creative process. They don't spark the origin of the novel, but at some point, they spark the emotion of the novel. For this book, a couple of Bollywood songs did that. The narrator describes an interaction with Jay where he sings a line of a Bollywood song about being afraid of the beating of her own heart.
"That line really captures the emotion of the entire story — this narrator is trapped in herself, in the margins of her life, afraid of her own heart. But it still beats."
Process as Gift
"With Where the Air is Sweet, it was a time in my life when my husband and I had moved to East Africa with our very small children. We were following our dreams in a very dramatic way. So, it was a much more focused writing process. Every day, I'd have about four hours, and I would write. I was literally in the place where the book was set, in East Africa. It wasn't the exact country, but it was the same time zone and a similar environment, so it felt very immersive. That felt much more focused.
It felt more organic. It felt more woven into the fabric of my life.
- Tasneem Jamal
"Now, with the second novel, it was not like that at all. I have a day job, and my kids are older, so that's been a huge help … I have one day a week that I can dedicate to writing, sometimes two. So, I would work then. It felt more organic. It felt more woven into the fabric of my life. I could work on it during the day or evening, depending on how things went.
"As the momentum of the manuscript picked up, I worked more on it. It became my obsession.
"The first book felt much more directed. I had to do that because it was a huge leap of faith — I had never written a novel before. With this second book, I knew I could do it. I knew I could complete a novel, whether I was happy with it or not. So, it was a different part of the equation. The second time around, I just trusted the process more."
"I'll be honest — before I'd written any books, I thought success meant awards, sales, all those things. But I had a kind of epiphany with this book. I realized that the gift, the reward, the award is the book. It came to me. I didn't do anything to deserve this story that I was able to bring into the world — but for whatever reason, I was able to articulate it, put it together, and find a wonderful editor and publisher who honoured every bit of it."
Interview by Valeriia Brusianina. Tasneem Jamal's comments have been edited for length and clarity.