Anastasia: Here's some free advice. Next time you meet an athlete who is retiring: Congratulate them. That might not always be your first thought, but it's always appreciated. A couple of weeks ago, Steph Labbe and I sat down to talk, in confidence, about her decision to take off those unbeatable keeper's gloves.

The Canadian National Soccer team's goalie… Paris St Germain's goalie… the woman who smiled in the face of penalty kicks and brought home Olympic Gold from Tokyo…The owner of 85 caps…

Remember what I said about Congratulations?

Sometimes it's just obviously, the right word for the occasion.

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It's Player's Own Voice. I'm Anastasia Bucsis

Thank you so much for having me in your house. First and foremost. It's nice to see you, my friend..

Steph Labbé Welcome! Nice to be here. I'm so excited to have you here.

Anastasia Nice to be in your own house! Thank you for having me. She's very, she's a hospitable host! Let's just cut to the chase: You won an Olympic Gold Medal a few months ago, and I think every single Canadian has watched you win that gold P.K. standing on the line, huge grin. Was it a grin? or was it a grimace? Deep dive psych. Give me the psychology behind that facial expression.

Steph Labbé I get asked this all the time, and the only thing that comes to my mind is literally just pure joy and happiness. Like, I can't say anything other than it was so genuine. Like, I remember being on that line and I remember just thinking, like, you're playing in a shootout of an Olympic Gold Medal final, this is so surreal, and you've been dreaming about this moment for years and working so hard for this moment. And, you know, maybe not a p.k. moment, but nevertheless the moment was there and I was just like, so at peace and calm, and I was just so present in the moment that I was just having the greatest time.

Anastasia So It sounds like you were almost like a little kid just playing a game you love.

Steph Labbé Yes. Like there was just this pure, yeah, joy. And I will say, you know, with that, there was a bit of a games happening, where I wanted to kind of show, I think, maybe accentuate how much fun I was having and the joy and how confident and like prepared I felt. Hoping that, you know, maybe it would make the opposition second guess their shot just a little bit, but it really was like so genuine. I really was like, so happy in that moment and really enjoying it.

Anastasia Did you ever think you'd get into politics knowing that you were named the national defence minister?

Steph Labbé Honestly, no. I'm like one of the least controversial people. I don't like having arguments or anything like that. So politics is not something for me, but I'll take that title and I'll defend the flag, you know, with the Canadian crest on my on my chest, on the field, but off the field, I'll I'll leave that to the others

Anastasia . Yeah. Again, thank you for having me in your home. I obviously look up to you for a number of reasons, of course what you've done on the pitch and what you've done off the pitch and something very close to my heart as well as I think a lot of Canadians hearts, is the conversation around mental health. And you've been such a champion there.

You struggled though, in the Olympic tournament a little bit. You had a physical injury, you did something to your ribs and that physical injury kind of manifested into a mental concern. What did that look like? What did it feel like? What was going through your head?

Steph Labbé Yeah, I think I've only really come to clarity of it all after the Olympics of like what actually went down. The more I've talked about it, the more I've worked with my sports psychologist, the more I've really kind of dived into the whole experience. But I guess my best summary of it would be the past year and a half, not only for myself, but, you know, for everyone around the world has been challenging. There's been so much added, stress added, information from elsewhere. For me, you know, watching the news, social media, there's so much coming in and I think that compounded with preparing for an Olympic Games, not knowing what position I was going to be in terms of goalkeeping with the team. You know, I didn't know that entire year whether I was going to be the starter or not. I didn't really know until three days before our first game against Japan that I was going to be playing.

So the internal battle of that, the stress of that compounded with the stress of the pandemic, I think I was carrying a weight of stress that I didn't realise, or I was carrying some extra yeah. Stress, I guess, is the best word. And when I got that injury in the first game, like I remember, the initial thoughts right away were number one, I knew it was serious in a sense, and number two, the first thoughts I went through my mind were like, Did I just go through all of that to now be done already? 60th minute of the first game? And is this it? I s this my Olympic spirit experience? Is this over that quickly? You know, adrenaline kicked in pretty soon after those thoughts and allowed me to kind of push through a little bit of pain for a little bit.

But then I think what happened over the next couple of days with the injury being in and out of the hospital, getting tests done because I had a lot of fluid and blood in my chest. The mental aspect of the weight of the injury compounded with the weight of what I was already carrying from the past year and a half, I think the collision of the two just created … my bucket was overfilled. So it was already kind of at the top and I didn't realize that. And then I think the injury just kind of, yeah, compounded, overflowed my bucket and I just hit the point where my body was so overstimulated and I wasn't able to come back down to like a relaxed state.

Anastasia So, yeah, I want to go there because after you win gold, you know, in my mind, you're going to party, you're going to be with loved ones, you're going to be with your team-mates. Of course, it looked a little different because it was in Tokyo and were in a pandemic, but you struggled to come down from that, and a lot of athletes do struggle with this. You finish a game at midnight. You don't have a very good sleep, let's be honest, because your adrenals are taxed to the limit, but yours were so, so fatigued that you were an insomniac for a few days. But had that happened before, like why?

Steph Labbé I've never experienced anything like it before. It actually started right after the quarterfinal. The way that we beat Brazil in the P.K. shootout, the way that I performed in that P.K. shootout, the adrenaline rush, the excitement of that game, getting us back to the semi-finals. I hit a high after that and from that game on, I didn't come down. It was like, what felt like almost two weeks.

So between the quarterfinal and the final, I wasn't able to train. The thought of going to the meal hall. Seeing all the people walking through the village, just the thought of those things was like spiralling me into an anxiety attacks. I was really fortunate to have Quinn as my roommate, and they were so supportive and would kind of help talk me through things. And all I wanted to do was lay in bed, lay in a dark room, like going to meetings was a big…. It took so much out of me to just do things. To leave my room, to do things, which was very hard because I'm a very social person and I love hanging out with the team. You know, our team is very close. So all I wanted to do was hang out with people and feel their support. But I couldn't get out of bed.

I was just sleeping as much as I could. And so I remember going into the final and thinking, like, you have 90 minutes, you know what turned into 120 minutes and maybe a little bit more. You have this. And when it's over, it's over. You don't have to get back. Try to relax and get back up for another game. Like, you can actually just take a deep breath. And I thought when the final whistle blew that that was going to be it. And like you said, it just, it doesn't just change overnight.

It's not something that with the snap of a fingers or the blow of a whistle that is just going to end. It's a real challenge and it's a real thing that you know, I was dealing with. And I know a lot of people around the world deal with it in different, different ways, shapes and forms. And for me, yeah, it was the 48 hours after. All I wanted to do was celebrate with the team. And, you know, there's photos of the team. After the game, we got back to the village. I think it was around three a.m. or something, and there's photos where the team like went out to the Olympic rings and we're getting photos. It was like with sunset, four or five a.m. and I'm not in them because I was in bed just trying to clear my head and just like, relax. And that was, Yeah, it was a big struggle.

Anastasia When did you get that moment to relax, where your shoulders, you know, you can kind of just accept what you just achieved?

Steph Labbé It kind of came in stages. I remember coming home. Back to Canada, and my partner and I went camping for four days, we unplugged, turned our phones off, had no service, that I think gave me one step of release where I was able to kind of dissociate myself with the Olympics and kind of see myself in a new environment.

Changing your environment definitely helps. And then, you know, a couple of days later, I saw my family and then the excitement kind of comes back again, and then I was moving to France, to a new environment. So a lot of it came back again, like the adrenaline rush of being in a new environment, new team. But it was about a month after the Olympics. I remember I finally had this revelation where I woke up one day and I was like, I'm ready to talk about it, like, I'm ready to talk about the Olympics. I'm ready to start doing interviews now. I'm ready to talk to media, I'm ready to reconnect with my family and friends and really share this moment with them. And yeah, so it was about a month later where I really felt that connection again.

Anastasia You have written and spoken so candidly, from Rio 2016, you won a bronze medal and you struggled with that a little bit in the sense that you felt as though people were so drawn to the medal that it kind of dehumanised you a little bit. What was different with Tokyo 2020 with a gold medal than Rio with a bronze medal?

Steph Labbé I think first, firstly, like I went into Tokyo with that experience of Rio, so I I understood what happened and I had done so much work to get beyond that and to to re re establish kind of that story. And that feeling and that connection with the medal. So I think going into Tokyo, I already had that learning experience. And secondly, I think because Tokyo was such a different experience in terms of my own challenges that I went through that first month after the Olympics, like the medal. It's not that it identified me. It's almost like I was so dissociated from it because I like I had this block in my body about the Olympics. Just the thought of the Olympics, like talking about it, would bring back all of the adrenaline, all the emotion. So I kind of just, avoided talking about it, and I almost like pushed it away in a sense. But it was when I finally had that sense of relaxation and that sense of coming back to it that I think all the joy and excitement of the medal came back. And prior experience definitely helped with that. You know, it happened in 2016, but I think just how massive this was for the programme. I think being a part of that was just so humbling. And so I feel so grateful to be a part of such a legacy that this team has built over the years. You know, and it's not just this team in 2020, it started back in. I don't even know when…

Anastasia nineteen hundred and…eight!

Steph Labbé yes. But I specifically, look back to the team in 2012, like they really laid the foundation and those players are heroes to me. And looking back at that, what we were able to accomplish is because of what those players did.

Anastasia Hard not to bring up the goat's name. Christine Sinclair. It really felt, from a sports fans perspective, that the entire world, the entire football world rallied around this accomplishment, that she finally achieved a gold medal around her neck. What did that feel like as a team-mate and as obviously an integral role (player) in the win?

Steph Labbé Yeah, I mean, you know, Sincy has forever been one of the greatest players of all time, not only in Canada, but in the world. And you know, that was the thing she was missing. She has all the individual accolades. But to get that team a win and, you know, if anyone knows Sincy, they know that that's all she actually cares about is the team wins and the team success. So to finally have that, check that off her bucket list and be a part of that, I think it's yeah, it was really, really special. And to see the former players, the current players from around the world that spoke up, you know, I think specifically there was a video that came out with Abby Waumbach congratulating her.

Anastasia I know I couldn't believe that! I always assumed those two were like arch nemeses.

Steph Labbé I know, but like seeing that I was just like: This is how big it is, and this is, sincy means so much to the sport. The way that she carries herself, the way that she has gone through her career, the things that she's stood up for. I think it was just such an amazing moment and to be a part of that, to see her finally get that Gold Medal was so, so special.

Anastasia What about the young guns coming up like Jesse Fleming, Julia Grosso? ? What did the win feel like, celebrating alongside them?

Steph Labbé Yeah, I think there were so many great things about this, but you know, I look at those players and some of them, you know, have two Olympic medals around their necks already, and they're in their mid 20s and it's…

Anastasia …Like, Come on. Life isn't fair sometimes.

Steph Labbé I just think, you know, when I was younger, like we had to fight tooth and nail for things and these younger players now all they know is success when they step on the field, that belief and that like expectation to win is there. And it's like, you know, the belief comes with facts. I think that's something that, you know, when we were younger, we believed, but it's hard to believe when you don't have the facts to support it. And these players have that. And I think this tournament was an amazing moment for them because they were integral to our win. It wasn't just the veterans that you know, created or helped this gold medal come to life like the middle group and the mid to late 20s. And then, you know, the youngsters, they stepped up in the big moments. And I think that was really, really fun for myself as a veteran and towards the end of my career, to see those moments because, you know, seeing them shine and be so confident, be themselves on the world's biggest stages. You know, you feel like a little bit of a proud mom.

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Anastasia I've got to ask, and before I ask, Congratulations. Thank you. When you announce retirement, it is incredibly awkward because people don't know what to say. You heard it here first: you say, 'congratulations'. Congrats on such a formidable year. Congrats on such a formidable career. But I've got to ask, why now?

Anastasia Does it make it easier or harder, though, to retire after such an amazing win?

Steph Labbé I think that's actually a really challenging thing for me because, you know, a lot of people say go out on a high like, you don't want to go out when you're on a low because whatever.

Anastasia But very few people get that privilege!

Steph Labbé 100 percent. But also, you know, they say, go out on a high and then you're on a high and everyone's like, Well, you're still playing so well and you're so good. Like, Why are you stopping now? Like, you're still healthy. You know, it's like people always have an opinion. And I think at the end of the day, only you know when it's right.

And like you said, not everyone gets to go out on a high. So the fact that I do and the fact that I get to go out in my own choice because I also know that a lot of athletes don't get to go out on their own choice. There's a lot of other things that come into play and that can also be very challenging. So I think for me, I feel very grateful that I'm able to make this decision and feel super confident in it. And yeah, I just, I know the time's right.

Anastasia You've played all around the world. You've taken Rio all around the world, your dog. If reincarnation is a thing, I would like to be reincarnated into your dog. To be honest.

Steph Labbé His passport is pretty full though!.

Anastasia He's a well-traveled dog. But what are some of the nicer memories that you have through your soccer career that the media might not know of?

Steph Labbé For sure, I remember a lot of you know, with the national team, we used to go to Brazil every December for this like four nations tournament and we always had this Christmas exchange party. And I remember those were always fun. There's been some pretty epic gifts given. So that was always really fun memories. And then I think for me, it was just like being able to experience World Cups and Olympics, like highs and lows, even the absolute lows. But to experience that with some of your closest friends and the people that are so close to you, I think it just builds this unbreakable bond with people that is so hard to describe.

I'm really close with a lot of, a couple of my high school friends and I have a childhood friend that I'm super close with. But the experiences and the memories that you make with team-mates, they see you at your absolute worst and they see you at your absolute best. And like, those bonds are so incredibly strong. And I think like the best memories I have are just like hanging out in the room, like on away trips with my team-mates. And just like having some laughs.

Anastasia The most mundane moments, playing Settlers of Catan, I don't like board games, but I know you love them. I'm sorry. You always try and bully me into learning games.

Steph Labbé Board games and puzzles. Those are the best!

Anastasia I can do a puzzle. I heard a rumour from a little birdie that one year during that Brazil trip, though. Melissa Tancredi eight all of the chocolates out of Rhiann Wilkinson's advent calendar. Were you a part of that little shenanigan?

Steph Labbé No, I actually. I actually didn't even know that story. Or maybe I'm, you know, blocking it out because I don't want to be an accomplice. But I was. I will say I was roommates with Tanc on one of the trips and we brought all the Christmas decorations in. Our room was pretty epic, like decorated to the nines Christmas spirit, everything. Maybe that was the year and I was just too busy sitting in my Christmas glory,

Anastasia just enjoying it. Yeah.

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Anastasia You wrote a beautiful thing, a beautiful essay for CBC and you said 'Sports are all I've known'. Does that scare you in this time of transition when it has just been such a backbone to your entire existence?

Steph Labbé No, it doesn't at all, because I know that sports will always be all that I know. It's always going to be a part of it. My role in connection to sports might be different. It might change, but they'll always be there like, I'm always going to be an athlete. I'm always going to try to do every sport that I can and push the boundaries with that. But I'm also going to stay within the sporting world. You know, I have a lot of passions that I want to help continue to to move not only this sport further, but just women's sport in general in Canada further. So it's going to be there. It always has been, I think, because my role in connection with it will change. I think that will be challenging and I'll take that as it comes. But I'm also, as I said, I feel like I've given everything. And so I think there's not much in me that feels like I have more to give in that sense.

Anastasia So where does soccer need to go in this country?

Steph Labbé Up. That's for sure. Professional. That's the simple side of it, I think. You know, it's easy to say, well, this team has been successful and to continue to like drag it on and not give this team and this country what it really needs. And that's a place for us to continue to grow and develop more youth soccer players, more players coming through the system, more opportunities. Every elite athlete that's got to like the Olympics or World Cups or to the international stage at some point in our lives or in our careers,there was an opportunity that was placed in front of us. A door was opened and we stepped through it. A professional league in Canada will provide so many more doors and so many more opportunities for more Canadians. And the more Canadians that we have being put in positions where they have these opportunities, the more that we're going to grow and develop and the more Jesse Flemings Julia Grosso's Christine Sinclairs as we're going to get. And I think that's the exciting part of it is that we've been able to get these types of players coming out of, you know, basically a nothing system to now have the opportunity to have a professional league and have a foundation in place to provide more opportunities. I think the the sky's the limit and the excitement of where this team can go consistently is really exciting.

Anastasia What does the next five years look like for you in your dream world,

Steph Labbé dream world, the next three to four months are going to be vacation and just kicking back!

Anastasia Bayley's? naps?

Steph Labbé Yessss!. Hanging out with my dog, hanging out in the mountains like just enjoying what I've been able to accomplish. And then, yeah, I want to stay in the sporting world. I want to help create a professional league in Canada, continue to be the voice for that and push for change. And then not only soccer, I want to continue to push women's sport in Canada further. The professional opportunities for female athletes in Canada are very slim to none. So I think, you know, I have to do my due diligence and you know, of course, soccer is in my heart, but there's so many other athletes around the country that need these opportunities because not everyone wants to play soccer, and that's OK. But yeah, so I think staying in sport and just continuing to inspire young kids and young females to stay in sports, I know, especially now with the challenging times a lot are dropping out and I want to continue to provide inspiration for that and show how important sports can be in life, not only, you know, for the athletic side, but for the mental side, for the emotional side, building such amazing friendships and learning such valuable life skills through sport.

Anastasia If professional soccer comes to Canada, are you going to come out of retirement and play for Calgary?

Steph Labbé 100 percent. Call me up.

Anastasia You're from just outside Edmonton. So is that like a moral dilemma? Who would you play for in the Battle of Alberta?

Steph Labbé Yeah, well, we'll see. We'll see what the contracts are looking like. We'll see where I'm settled in the moment, where my hopefully at that point wife is, is working and living and I will make the choice later on. But yeah, I mean, the opportunity to play in Canada that might be hard to pass up for a year.

Anastasia You mentioned fiancee, wife, (hopefully by that point), Georgia Simmerling, you mentioned you went camping after Tokyo. I want to know how you guys camp. You glamp or are you like on a cot?

Steph Labbé No, we camp. We have a rooftop tent and so we, you know, sleep in a tent on the roof of the Jeep.

Anastasia I think that might be glamping. I'm sorry my dear.

Steph Labbé It's maybe a little. And I will be honest, the food we eat? You know, Georgia is a bit of a chef, so the food we're eating is not like hot dogs.

Anastasia I would do hot dogs at my wedding.

Steph Labbé Hot dogs and beans? You know, I did say I wanted to have a wedding with barbecue and hamburgers and hot dogs. Georgia was like a little bit opposed to that. But I'm happy with that. You know, I'm Alberta at heart. I'm a country girl. I'm happy with the Alberta beef. And just, yeah, let's get some burgers on the Barbie.

Anastasia That's my plan. That's my plan. I appreciate your time so much. Thank you for everything you have done for this country and for athletes, little boys, little girls. It means a lot that you wanted to sit down and chat today. So thank you, Steph. And I was at the game in Tokyo and it was a real, special moment for everyone I can promise you that. So thank you.

Steph Labbé Thank you so much for having me.

Anastasia Peace.

Steph Labbé Peace out.

Anastasia Steph Labbe and I recorded that chat in her kitchen in lovely Calgary Alberta

There's a video version of this chat at CBC sports youtube channel.

You can see Rio the luckiest dog in Canada.

Players Own Voice podcast is a cbc sports production.

Social media? Hashtag players own voice...

My handle is Anastasure

Olivia Pasquarelli is our editor.

Adam Blinov wrote our theme music.

David Giddens is our producer.

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