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Season 2: Episode 5 - Have you tried ____?

[Theme]

HARVINDER WADHWA: People are curious, and that's great.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: But there are some questions you just shouldn't ask or at least not like that.

HARVINDER WADHWA: I'm Harvinder Wadhwa.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: I'm Elena Hudgins Lyle.

HARVINDER WADHWA: And this is Inappropriate Questions.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Let's get inappropriate.

[Music]

HARVINDER WADHWA: Look Elena, I have to be honest.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Yeah.

HARVINDER WADHWA: When I hear this question, “Have you tried _____?” I don't think it's an inappropriate question.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Oh yeah? Hot take. Explain.

HARVINDER WADHWA: I understand that we are talking about chronic illness, but if someone is struggling and I think I have a good suggestion, why would I not want to share that information?

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Right.

HARVINDER WADHWA: And I don't want to give them empty words like “I am sorry to hear that.”

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: I think chronic illness sometimes can make things complicated because, you know these are ongoing problems that people mostly have to deal with their whole lives. I mean I've had chronic bowel issues, which is just the most glamorous thing to bring up on your podcast. You know, sometimes they get a little better, sometimes they get a little worse, but they haven't gone away, ever, in years. I mean, maybe this is, this is all my fault because I gave up yoga. So, so maybe it is on me.

HARVINDER WADHWA: Oh, I completely forgot yoga's now a white people thing.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: [Laughs] Oh my gosh. Ok, well we're going to speak with guests with different chronic illnesses about what they think about these suggestions and what kinds of things work for them.

HARVINDER WADHWA: Let's get to it.

[Music]

VOICE 1: The idea of an illness that is incurable is a really difficult concept.

VOICE 2: When you're at your most vulnerable state, then whatever people tell you, you're going to want to try.

VOICE 3: There is not one way to live with any chronic, invisible rare condition.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Lara Parker is a writer and deputy editorial director for BuzzFeed.com. She often writes about what it's like living with endometriosis, a chronic illness that affects the pelvic region and can cause severe pain.

HARVINDER WADHWA: She has written a book of essays called Vagina Problems, which comes out later in 2020.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Hi, Lara. Thanks for being on the show.

LARA PARKER: Hello. Thank you so much for having me.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: To start off, can you tell us about a time someone asked you, have you tried this or suggested something for you to try to help manage chronic illness?

LARA PARKER: My God, where do I begin? No, it's I think like the ones that I think about the most, just probably because of what I do for a living, which is that I write online and I create content online. It's just sort of like online comments like, oh okay, but like have you tried yoga? It'll be like something like very, very generic that I'm like, yes, no, I've heard of it and I've considered it. Thank you.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Have you tried meditation? I think it's French.

LARA PARKER: Yeah. They're like you know ibuprofen? I don't know if you thought about that.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Right.

LARA PARKER: Yeah, so I think the one that comes up the most often is probably just like internet comments, but there's always usually I feel like it's like your parents' friend that you haven't seen in a while. You know, they like have known you since you were a baby and they know that you have a chronic illness, but they don't really understand it, so they're like, hey do you feel better yet? And you're like, ooh not really Mary, but I'm working on it. And then Mary will be like, oh yeah but like my yeah cousin's sister's friend has it and she did yoga 17 times a day and she's fine, so.

HARVINDER WADHWA: So Lara, who are these people? You said Mary. They're Marys, not Karens, right?

LARA PARKER: Mary and Karen are definitely the same. They're sisters.

[Laughter]

HARVINDER WADHWA: And generally are these questions that come right from nowhere or you're talking about, oh, today I had a lousy day because I had pain or last week was lousy or.

LARA PARKER: No, it's usually, it's usually definitely when I've either mentioned my pain in some way or mentioned my illness in some way. And you know, there's a difference between me saying, hey I'm not really sure what to do. I've seen a bunch of doctors, I don't know where to go from here. Has anyone been through something similar and could offer insight? Right? Like, there's that and then there's me posting and saying, here's my experience with endometriosis, this disease that I've lived with for, oh you know, over a decade now. These are, you know my thoughts on it. And then someone commenting or someone, you know reaching out to me and saying, hey have you tried this thing? Which is like, you know, I wasn't looking for suggestions.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Where do you think the Marys of the world are coming from when they ask you this? Why did they think that this is something that it'd be helpful to you?

LARA PARKER: So honestly I've thought about this a lot. So buckle up. I think there's like two parts to it. You know obviously there are going to be those people who think that they're genuinely just helping. Like to them, suggesting yoga or suggesting ibuprofen or suggesting walking or doing a handstand or whatever the hell it is that they're suggesting, like they genuinely think that they're being helpful. I want to believe that, you know that is a large portion of it. But I think there's also this factor that plays in sometimes that the idea of an illness that is incurable is really hard to think about. It's a really difficult concept, even for someone who's living with it, right? Like I have a difficult time with that concept. Every day I have to wake up and I have to sort of go through the motions of getting myself from point A to point B of realizing, today is another day with this illness that I have no idea how to treat. Right? Like there's really nothing I can do to actually get rid of it. That is scary and a lot of people, you know they don't want to think about that. So I think they want to believe that ok well, maybe there isn't really incurable illnesses, maybe this person just hasn't found the thing that gets them relief, so this isn't something that my brain needs to be scared of right now, you know? And I think it's almost like comforting themselves a little bit. I just I don't think people understand what it's like to live inside the mind of someone who has a chronic illness with no cure. Like, you have no idea how many times a day I try to figure out what I can do to make myself feel better. It is a constant state of mind. So when someone comes along and says hey, why don't you just try yoga? It's like it crumbles my entire system in my head and just makes me feel like, holy shit, do you think that I am just sitting around doing nothing? Like do you think that I'm not trying? Like it's like I want to just like, scream at these people and say like, I'm trying so hard. Like do you not see me trying? And it's like I know I can't take it personally, but I think that's also like I'm not sitting around just feeling sorry for myself, which by the way even if I was, that's my God damn right. But I'm not doing that. I'm actively trying to feel better, which anyone with a chronic illness is because no one wants to sit there and not feel good. No one wants that.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Yeah.

HARVINDER WADHWA: I don't remember where I was reading, but there's one huge difference between U.S. and or North America, I should say, not just the US and say for instance, Britain. That here we feel obligated, if somebody tells us a problem, here we kind of feel obligated to provide a solution. Whereas in say, Britain, they would say oh, what a bummer. And they will leave it at that.

LARA PARKER: Right.

HARVINDER WADHWA: So maybe that's part of the culture kind of thing?

LARA PARKER: Yeah.

HARVINDER WADHWA: I'm not trying to excuse them or any such thing, but.

LARA PARKER: No totally. I also think it's like ingrained in Western medicine. Like the idea of having a medical problem and not having a solution for it, isn't really something that. I mean our advertisements for Big Pharma, like it's always like, hey, do you have this problem? Cool, we'll fix it. No problem. You know, like we just grow up believing that there are solutions for all of our medical problems.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: I think it's worth mentioning that through your work, you have actually tried a lot of different things and written and vlogged about trying different things to manage your endometriosis symptoms and other symptoms. What are some of these things that you've tried and what works for you?

LARA PARKER: Yeah. So CBD and just like cannabis in general is what I use mainly to sort of medicate my pain, pain management. I use cannabis daily. One of the biggest symptoms I'm having post surgery is daily nausea now. Sort of more extreme than I ever had before, so I'm actually relying on cannabis like 100 per cent in order to eat because otherwise, like, I have no appetite. So cannabis is huge for me. It also really helps me be able to have a sex life because orgasming and becoming aroused, both of those things can be pretty painful for me because of my pelvic floor issues and because of my endometriosis. So cannabis first and foremost and then other than that, like, I really try and take like a Western meets Eastern approach or like holistic approach. Like I, right now I'm seeing a pain specialist and I had surgery, an excisions surgery, which basically means that they went in and cut out endometriosis at the root. And it is the Gold Star treatment for endometriosis at the moment, but it's also extremely expensive and inaccessible. So I did that surgery, but then I also do things that are considered more "holistic," which is like chiropractic work and acupuncture work and cupping. That stuff is what I find most success with.

HARVINDER WADHWA: This all must be very, very expensive.

LARA PARKER: Oh, yes.

HARVINDER WADHWA: But those people who do not have these kind of support systems, I can't imagine their lives.

LARA PARKER: I think that's, you know, part of the reason why I feel this like deep, deep responsibility almost to be so loud about this. It's because I want people to understand what you just said, which is that here I am a person who not only has access to medical care in general, which is hard enough in the United States, but I have, you know, decent health insurance. I have access to medical cannabis, I have access to acupuncture. I have access to a chiropractor. And yet, I am still in pain every single day. So imagine what it is like for people who have none of that. But, yeah, no, you're completely right and it's like because I have the access to these products, like, it's sort of my goal to weed out the stuff that might actually be worth spending their hard earned money on. You know?

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: What are the biggest misconceptions about living with a chronic illness or people with a chronic illness?

LARA PARKER: There's like this misconception of what a chronic illness looks like, I guess and what sort of disabled looks like. That's something that I've personally been thinking a lot about in my own life. People ask me a lot if I identify as disabled and it's something that I really struggle with because, you know, for the most part, if you looked at me, you wouldn't think, oh, she's disabled. But then there are days and there are so many moments in my life where I like legitimately cannot do certain things. For me like it's just been eye opening to realize that, like, I'm not as able-bodied as I guess I think I am just because I look able-bodied and am able to walk and like do certain things on certain days, if that makes sense.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Right.

HARVINDER WADHWA: It's interesting because when I was going through your bio and that was the first thing I told Elena, that when one looks at you, it is hard to imagine that you're going through such a horrible time.

LARA PARKER: Yes. Yeah, totally.

HARVINDER WADHWA: Yes. And that kind of creates a problem in itself that people will not take your issue seriously.

LARA PARKER: Yeah, it absolutely does. And, you know, there's you know, we can talk about the problems within the medical community like ten thousand times a day, but I will say, like the fact that I had so much trouble getting diagnosed as a thin white woman speaks volumes to how hard it would be for anyone else to be diagnosed with this. And yeah, that can be pretty much said about like any statement that I've made throughout this entire podcast. Like just imagine someone who isn't thin, white, straight woman, you know? Like I mean, I pretty much have, like, every privilege that you can, you know.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: What was it like, that process of getting your diagnosis?

LARA PARKER: You know, sometimes I think I, like, feel this urge to sort of downplay that, but it was actually hell to go through. And, you know, it really sort of destroyed my ability to trust myself, which is that's sort of the story of medical trauma usually. If it's not, you know, not being listened to, it's like being misdiagnosed or having an unnecessary treatment. You know, like a hysterectomy was suggested to me when I was 20, 21 and that's actually not even a cure for endometriosis. Like it actually does nothing for it. So it's like, you know, what if I had listened to that, you know?

HARVINDER WADHWA: If I understood correctly you were misdiagnosed or?

LARA PARKER: Yeah. So it's like I had endometriosis, right? Which was misdiagnosed as irritable bowel syndrome and also just as me being, like, anxious. Like, I don't know, they just kept telling me I was like, sad. And then I also have pelvic floor conditions and I didn't realize at the time that those two things sort of go hand in hand. Right? So if I had had a competent doctor who had diagnosed my endometriosis, they would have also understood how it affected my pelvic floor. Yeah. I only now am starting to understand what's going on with my body, and I'm almost 30. So.

HARVINDER WADHWA: So going back to the question, I guess what I'm understanding is that if you're sharing your pain with others, you're just looking for someone to listen and that's that.

LARA PARKER: Yes. I think that's like what the idea of like sharing something is, right? Whether it's about a chronic illness or not, like if someone's sharing about, you know, losing a pet or going through something with work, like they don't want your suggestions. Right? Unless they're asking for them. I assume. I assume what they're looking for is just people to be there with them and sit with them in their pain or whatever it is or their grief or whatever it may be. So I don't know why or what it is about chronic illnesses in particular that make it just so hard for people to not offer suggestions because it really is like such a cliche, but it's so true that people just can't help themselves. And I understand the want to do that. Of course you want to do that. If my friends had an incurable disease such as endometriosis, of course I want to fix that for them. I don't want them to live through that. I wouldn't want that for, you know, anyone. But you can't, so just say, you know what, I know that I can't do anything, but I'm here. That's what you're doing. I wish that that was what people understood. Like, I don't need you to fix it for me because, A, you can't and B, like you're not a doctor. Like whatever.

HARVINDER WADHWA: And even doctors didn't help you that much.

LARA PARKER: Yeah, yeah. I'm like if you were a doctor like it wouldn't matter. So whatever. So just like sit with me in it. That's what you can do is just support me, because that's what I need more than anything, you know?

[Music]

SERENA HARDING: My name is Serena and I have Type 1 Diabetes and sometimes met with comments of, oh, you don't look like you would have it or you look healthy. But a question I often get is, have I tried not eating sugar at all? And that should solve my problem. That is simply not the case. It kind of comes across as if they're the expert in the illness that I live with and I would just say that I will know when there's a cure. Not from them. I would already know it before they know. That's probably the truth.

HARVINDER WADHWA: It sounds like it can be a process to learn how to navigate these treatment suggestions and advocate for yourself.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Yeah. Someone who's had a lot of experience with this from a young age is Sneha Dave. She's a 22-year-old student speaker and advocate who's had ulcerative colitis since she was six. She founded both the Health Advocacy Summit and the Crohn's and Colitis Young Adults Network to connect young people with inflammatory bowel diseases.

[Music]

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Can you tell us about a time someone asked you, have you tried this about your chronic illness?

SNEHA DAVE: Yeah. So ulcerative colitis is an inflammatory bowel disease, so it majorly affects the digestive system. And so one of the questions that I've gotten before is like, have you tried the grape diet, where you just eat, like all grapes.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Whoa. What?

SNEHA DAVE: You know, I. Yeah, it's really bizarre. I mean, I have lots of these really, you know, interesting specific types of diets. And so we have a little booklet all about a grape diet. I can't remember what it's called, but I think about that book very often because just because of how bizarre it is, so.

HARVINDER WADHWA: So somebody gave you that book?

SNEHA DAVE: Yeah. I can't remember who, you know, this was years ago, but that suggestion was compounded by a few other suggestions, such as the raw food diet, which I have actually tried quite a few different diets because my freshman year of high school, I had the colectomy surgery, which is the removal of the entire large intestine. And so before that, me and my family tried almost every single option. We exhausted all these different ideas from homeopathy to going to California for a couple of weeks in this raw food centre. Being gluten-free, dairy-free, salt-free, sugar-free, wheat-free all at once. So we got quite a few suggestions during that time especially, but not so much anymore about diet, because I became, become very aware of what I can eat and I don't really take solicitations for changing my diet that much anymore.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Right.

HARVINDER WADHWA: So how do you then respond to those questions?

SNEHA DAVE: Yeah, so I think one way and this might be classified as a little passive aggressive, but I think one way could just be explaining them your condition and where you see your condition going. And that's not to be pessimistic, but that's just to say, like for example, I have ulcerative colitis and I've tried things already. And, you know, what you're saying is probably not going to be the cure. I know what's going to work for me and I know what I need to do, but I do appreciate your suggestion. So I think probably validating them in a bit of way, but also explaining to them what you know about your condition is really important because they don't often know that. And a lot of times people might forget that chronic illnesses are not necessarily going to go away, so.

HARVINDER WADHWA: That's very mature and smart of you, Sneha. I would have said something much ruder.

SNEHA DAVE: I'm actually pretty open to suggestions. I like to hear what's worked for different people, but I am very cautious because I've been through a lot of people promising that this is going to work and that's going to work and none of it has worked. So the only thing that I don't like is when people tell other people who might not have as much literacy about differentiating what a cure is and what a treatment is. I think that's really bothersome is when I see some of my peers being kind of looped into these treatments, especially those of my peers that have been recently diagnosed, because that's a hard time and that's when you're looking for all the answers and all the questions. And I think that's frustrating to see them get looped into somebody's "cures and treatments."

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: So if I'm hearing you right, some people suggesting things are suggesting them as treatments. So something that could maybe help with a symptom or help make things a little better and some people are suggesting as cures. Like this can actually fix your ulcerative colitis?

SNEHA DAVE: Oh, yes. Yeah, I, you know, when I was in the trying the raw food diet, I was told that it would cure my colitis or bring it to a state that if I would continue to be on the raw food diet, that I wouldn't have any issues. But it's like when you're at your most vulnerable state, then whatever people tell you, you're going to want to try. I think in a way it's been a blessing that I've been diagnosed so long because I'm able to navigate these situations probably a little bit better than someone who's just been thrown into the chronic illness arena and has so many other things that they're focussing on.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Right, yeah. With other young people who have chronic illnesses, do you share, you know, your tips and tricks? Do you talk about what treatments have worked for you and what hasn't?

SNEHA DAVE: Yeah. Yeah. More so when we're talking about treatments, because it's really helpful to know about experiences or to look out for things that people have had experiences with on their treatment. So, for example, if I'm going to start a particular infusion and one of my peers has already been on that infusion, then I can kind of be prepared for what it's going to be like or if there's anything that I should kind of know about in advance. I take the suggestions of my peers with specifically inflammatory bowel diseases very seriously.

HARVINDER WADHWA: We have spoken about the questions which are not helpful, but are there any questions you find helpful?

SNEHA DAVE: I think the best phrase that I've found is let me know how I can support you. I find that to be very, very helpful because I don't feel obligated to ask them for support, but I also know that they're willing to be ready to support me. And it's, I think, one of the least invasive ways to say it. Because if you're saying the word support, support can mean a lot of things. And, you know, if you really are intending on being there for someone with a chronic illness, then you're offering this kind of open ended support.

[Music]

DUSTIN KRYSZTOFIAK: My name is Dustin Krysztofiak and I have chronic irritable bowel syndrome. When I was first diagnosed, I was actually out of work and bedridden for about seven months before I could really do anything. And it was about two days into a job I'd taken when one of my co-workers decided it would be a good time to talk to me about homeopathy and why I hadn't tried acupuncture. And it's not that I have anything against alternative medicine, but it felt very invalidating that I had spent seven months dealing with doctors every single week, lying in bed, not really being able to do anything and going through some pretty intense medical procedures to be told that I hadn't done the right thing and that's why I still felt like crap. I don't know. I guess the other thing I wish people understood about living with chronic illness is that it's a very hard thing to live with, to feel kind of betrayed by your own body at times and I just wish people understood how much work went into that, especially when they ask questions like, why haven't you tried insert treatment here? Because I have put a lot of work into it. And when you finally find something that works, it's a really good feeling. And I don't want people to think that I didn't work really hard for that and that the doctors who helped me didn't work very hard for it because they did. I just think that needs to be recognized.

[Music]

HARVINDER WADHWA: It was really interesting to hear how difficult it was for Lara to get a diagnosis and how cumbersome it is dealing with the medical system.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Yeah. And when Sneha was talking about all her peers who were newly diagnosed and how they're vulnerable to all the suggestions people throw at them. To find out more, I spoke to Lara Bloom. She's the President and CEO of the Ehlers-Danlos Society. She herself has Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, also known as EDS, which is a chronic illness that affects connective tissues like joints and skin. She's a patient expert, so she offers her experience to medical students and specialists. We spoke about what it's like for someone with a chronic illness to navigate suggestions and treatments in the health care system.

LARA BLOOM: There is not one way to live with any chronic invisible rare condition. Diets, sleep, vitamins, all of these things absolutely help. But it's, you know, at what stage that help comes in. How far along you are. And it is really different for everyone. It's so, so critical for people handing out that advice to be mindful of that. And the thing as well with chronic and often invisible conditions, is that people can't see what people are going through. So you happen to go out one night, you are actually in your best, you know, state of pain and fatigue and you had a really great time and then the next day you dive down into feeling incredibly fatigued, in lots of pain. All your symptoms have sparked out and it's hard to even lift your head. Everyone around you, even those that love you and know that for sure, your diagnosis is very, very real valid, they're like but you were okay yesterday. And what if you just have an earlier night? And what if you just become vegan? Will that not help? It's helped my friend. And that's the thing. It's like, you know, I am one of the people that does swear by my diet, my movement, etc., but do I still have bad days? Absolutely. Because there is no cure for these conditions.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Right. We've heard a bit so far about how difficult it can be to get a diagnosis. Why is that?

LARA BLOOM: I think it's because with EDS it's so multi-systemic. There's so few people that know about the conditions. And so if you imagine you go to a kind of general practitioner and you say, I have IBS like symptoms, I have chronic widespread pain and I'm not able to sleep at night. I mean, how many things could that be? And, you know, three months ago you happened to have dislocated your knee. The doctor is very unlikely to connect all of those things together. And it's not until someone looks at your whole medical history and your family history and your you know, a clinical examination that you can really start to get to the bottom of what it could be. And so people have bounced from doctor to doctor and unfortunately, we're seeing real cases of PTSD because of the psychological impact of that. You know, being told it's in your head. Being told it's not real. And that is having huge implications where we're seeing self-harm, suicide, increased depression, anxiety, where we do, you know, see that when there is chronic health, but even worsened because of that diagnostic odyssey.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Right, yeah. Once someone has a diagnosis, what's it like going through a medical system to try to figure out what treatments or advice to try?

LARA BLOOM: It's incredibly hard, because, you know, when you're diagnosed with something, you know, we often and I was in this position all those years ago when I was diagnosed, it's like, well, what do I deal with first? Do I deal with my really sore knee or my dislocating ankle or my popping out hip? Or do I deal with the fact that, you know, I can't go to the toilet or that I, when I stand up, my blood pressure drops and my heart races. Or do I deal with my neck pain or my constant migraines or? You know, it's your whole body and it's all consuming. And how do you kind of decompartmentalize that to think, right, where do I go to? What do I prioritize and how do I deal with this and who's going to help me? It's really hard. It's like a you know minefield and you're also dealing with the fact of, okay, well, do I have to change my career path? Can I still study full-time?

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Right.

LARA BLOOM: You know, will my partner be able to deal with this?

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Right.

LARA BLOOM: Am I going to die before I'm 40? All these petrifying questions that are very real and huge. And so you need to have that mental health support as well to help you navigate through that because it's a maze. And so it's a constant, you know, challenge every single day to cope with what is in front of you, but what could be in front of you down the road.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: The pandemic has obviously, needless to say, changed so much about the way we live for so many of us. What's it like living with a chronic illness in this this age of COVID? I hate calling it that.

LARA BLOOM: Yeah this new world we're living in.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Yeah, exactly. These unprecedented times.

LARA BLOOM: It's really hard. It's really hard. And I think the biggest challenge is the unknown. So many people want to know what, am I more at risk. Should I be shielding? Can I go out? You know, what about my therapist? What about my treatment? What about my medication? What about that test I was supposed to have? Am I more at risk not having the test or going and having the test and potentially picking up COVID? And, you know, there's always been this them and us kind of mentality. And those that are “healthy” and those aren't. You know, those that are living with chronic conditions, rare conditions, invisible conditions. And we know what it's like to not be able to leave the house sometimes for days, weeks, months, years, lifetimes for some. You know, we know what it's like to not be able to work, to suddenly have your income taken away, to not be able to afford food, your treatment, and to not be able to live your normal life. That you'd look out the window and see everyone else doing and suddenly everyone's in the same boat. And there's actually something quite special about that in the sense that you don't feel isolated as much anymore. You know, it's suddenly we're all isolated. And it's a bit like, well, come join me. You know, come sit next to me. This has been me for a really long time. And I hope strength comes from that. I hope that that stays, so that people can be kinder, thoughtful to people, that that is normal life every day.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Yeah it sounds like a real potential for more understanding and compassion.

LARA BLOOM: We can but hope.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Yeah.

LARA BLOOM: You know, unprecedented times and all.

[Music]

HARVINDER WADHWA: Elena?

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Yeah?

HARVINDER WADHWA: Can I confess I was wrong?

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Absolutely not. No learning on this podcast. No changing your mind. None of it.

HARVINDER WADHWA: No, seriously. Offering solutions to a problem you've never faced is inappropriate.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Yeah.

HARVINDER WADHWA: As the saying goes, it takes a person two years to learn how to talk and 80 years to learn how to shut up.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: I didn't know that one.

HARVINDER WADHWA: So if you're not an expert on the topic, keep your mouth shut.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: All right. Well, you heard it from Harv. I really loved Lara Parker's suggestions for just, you know, listening and being with someone in their pain and not trying to solve it. I guess, like you, I never used to think that that's, you know, that that's good enough, but it is good enough. And that's something I'm going to work on.

HARVINDER WADHWA: I am repeating myself here. Another eye opener episode.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: All right. We're going to have to get a new word, but agreed.

[Theme]

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: I'm Elena Hudgins Lyle.

HARVINDER WADHWA: And I'm Harvinder Wadhwa. Thanks for getting inappropriate with us.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: Big thanks to our guests Lara Parker, Sneha Dave and Lara Bloom. Everyone is called Lara. You also heard voice notes from Serena Harding and Dustin Krysztofiak.

HARVINDER WADHWA: Every episode has an accompanying web comic and this week it was illustrated by Hana Shafi. You can find it on Instagram @IQ_Podcast. Also, make sure to visit cbc.ca/iqpodcast for a full transcript and more resources.

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: The corny crew behind Inappropriate Questions are Sabrina Bertsch, Cindy Long and myself. The show is mixed by Andrew Norton. Our digital producer is Judy Ziyi Gu. The senior producer of CBC Podcasts is Tanya Springer, and the executive producer is Arif Noorani.

[Theme out]

ELENA HUDGINS LYLE: An inappropriate question is like that one family friend who wants to hear your five-year plan every time you see them.

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CBC would like to acknowledge the support of the Broadcasting Accessibility Fund.

TRANSCRIPT: Inappropriate Questions - Season 2, EP 5

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