The Ketchup War by Anna Fenton
CBC Books | | Posted: May 30, 2019 11:27 AM | Last Updated: June 6, 2019
2019 finalist: Grade 10 to 12 category
Anna Fenton is a finalist of the 2019 Shakespeare Selfie Student Writing Challenge. This annual writing competition challenges students to write a soliloquy or monologue in the voice of a Shakespearean character based on a prominent news, pop culture or current affairs event from the last year (April 2018 to April 2019).
Fenton, who attends Munro Academy in Ross Ferry, N.S., wrote about the battle for ketchup domination between condiment giants Kraft Heinz and French's from the perspective of The Merchant of Venice's Antonio.
Check out Fenton's interviews on CBC Radio:
What war of sauces does develop, methinks 'tis
strange to behold. Heinz and French's in battle
clash, but who prevails none can perceive.
With the departure of Heinz from Leamington,
many cried and raised their voices,
seven and thirty score left without a profession.
French's did enter and with enterprise did
take the plant and make it their own.
When there was need French's did come at
a most appropriate time, or so 'tis said.
Losing sales and faced with tariff,
asked to give a tithe, look how Heinz
redoubles effort. Yet French's
has won the palate of many a patron,
Who can tell what will come to pass?
But Heinz is Heinz, remains the same. Passion
runs deep in the hearts of many, yet French's does
approach. They gain, they push, matching
blow for blow, engaged in deepest struggle.
Both avowing Canadian roots despite their country
of birth, America.
What a do over this, why all this bother?
Ketchup is but Ketchup as sauce is but sauce.
But watch the clash of condiments rage as they
seek to outdo the other.
The fray continues, the outcome unseen,
The Desperate Ketchup wars continue,
dragging on from day to day.
strange to behold. Heinz and French's in battle
clash, but who prevails none can perceive.
With the departure of Heinz from Leamington,
many cried and raised their voices,
seven and thirty score left without a profession.
French's did enter and with enterprise did
take the plant and make it their own.
When there was need French's did come at
a most appropriate time, or so 'tis said.
Losing sales and faced with tariff,
asked to give a tithe, look how Heinz
redoubles effort. Yet French's
has won the palate of many a patron,
Who can tell what will come to pass?
But Heinz is Heinz, remains the same. Passion
runs deep in the hearts of many, yet French's does
approach. They gain, they push, matching
blow for blow, engaged in deepest struggle.
Both avowing Canadian roots despite their country
of birth, America.
What a do over this, why all this bother?
Ketchup is but Ketchup as sauce is but sauce.
But watch the clash of condiments rage as they
seek to outdo the other.
The fray continues, the outcome unseen,
The Desperate Ketchup wars continue,
dragging on from day to day.