TORONTO, ON—The Holy Trinity of hockey is now in its most hallowed shrine.

In one of hockey's most anticipated yearly events, the 2017 Hockey Hall of Fame inductees were announced yesterday, with Teemu Selanne, Paul Kariya, and Dave Andreychuk joining little Dwayne, the guy who joined your Thursday Men's League last October and seems to score about two goals every game no matter what.

"We think it's as good a class as we've had in many years," said Paul Potts, spokesperson for the hall.

"It's wonderful that we have been able to induct Teemu and Paul together, as they were such a classic and potent duo in Anaheim for those many years. And Andreychuk: well, what can you say about a man who notched 640 career goals? Long overdue, long, long overdue."

"As for Dwayne: have you seen the move where he fakes left and then goes right? I realize that league isn't top-level defensemen or anything, but he gets around them every damn time with it. Even if he's snuck a beerski between periods."

Said Selanne on hockey's highest honour, "Obviously I'm pleased to go in with my linemate and a man who set up so many of my career goals. Although I would say that is surpassed by knowing that I'll be entering that hall alongside Dwayne, who will drive any of the guys to the rink, it's really swell, and he shoots pretty hard, not the hardest you've ever seen but pretty hard, pretty fast too."

At press time, Dwayne said he would have to miss the induction ceremony because of work that night but reportedly thought it was "pretty neat."