While the news today has been divvied up between #covfefe and Trump's plans to pull out of the Paris climate deal, it's important to remember that Jared Kushner is embroiled in his own scandal following reports that he initiated secret talks with Russia.

And from there, it's important to remember that Jared Kushner is everyone we've ever met. The reason there's a particular sense of "Oh, this fucking guy," is because we've all come up against him before. Many times.

You've met him as the host of a restaurant who can't believe you'd be stupid enough not to make a reservation. He's the guy at your high school reunion who responded to news of your career with a head tilt and "Oh, that's cute!" He's the dude who nearly hit you on his longboard last week, sipping a venti frappuccino while wearing smoking slippers with no socks. He's the server who winked at you when you made a joke about your entree, believing in his heart he'd just cemented a 45% tip despite having made you wait 45 minutes for your drink. He is the co-worker who keeps calling you Brenda despite knowing your name is obviously Eileen.

Jared Kushner is the cell phone salesman who somehow manages to mention how many women he happens to be texting while trying to upsell you a leather phone case. He is the music fan who thinks you've probably never heard of Kings of Leon. He is the guy on Instagram who selfies with complete sincerity, hashtagging words like #sunshine and #lovingsummer, while pretending he had no idea the photo was being taken or posted. He has worn three Polo shirts simultaneously, and there are four tagged photos of him dabbing at a bachelor party.

He wants to tell you all about the investments he managed to make after explaining how hard it was to buy a house in this economy with his insufficient trust fund. He loves artisan beer and wants you to know that gentrification isn't that terrible if it means so many new sushi burrito restaurants. He knows Trump is a loose cannon, but he's also "a businessman" so let's sit back and wait before we snap to judgment, okay? Have you read Ayn Rand? Because she has some good ideas. Also, he didn't vote because what does it matter? But if he did, he'd have voted libertarian because it's about time we all begin taking some accountability for ourselves.

He is your friend's boyfriend who hugs you very stiffly, but also just a little too long. He has used the term "man cave" without irony. He has initiated at least one Ponzi scheme. He is the one responsible for Colonel Mustard's death in the library with the knife. He is a doll from 1894 that came to life after his owner read aloud from a strange book she found in the attic. He is innocent, your honour. He is calling you from inside the house. He is standing behind you right now. If you say "Jared Kushner" three times in the mirror, he will show up and call you a poor.

Jared Kushner is everywhere.