During Cross Country Checkup's show on how to approach the subject of teen suicide a father called in to talk about the lasting effects his own son's suicide has had on his family. Gerry Stefanson, from Gabriola Island in B.C., spoke to host Duncan McCue about the importance of talking publicly about suicide in order to erase the stigma that surrounds it. Stefanson also urged listeners to dig deep into the lives of their own kids, because, as he found out tragically 21 years ago, you may not see signs of depression before it's too late.

Gerry Stefanson: We are survivors of suicide. We lost a 15-year-old son. He completed suicide on March 11th, 21 years ago. Feels like yesterday.

Duncan McCue: How is it still dealing with it 21 years later?

GS: Same thing as it was the day it happened, you just learn to manage it better. It's a hard path to walk down. It's devastating completely, and you either grow from it or you die from it.

DM: And do you still feel like you're still grappling with it?

GS: Oh definitely.

DM: We're asking today: should we be publicly talking about it or should this be a private concern? What do you think?

GS: My first reaction to that one, and believe me this isn't just coming from off the cuff, but think what good has not talking about it done? It hasn't.

It was in Calgary when it took place, and a gal by the name of Licia Corbella was an editor at the Calgary Sun at the time. She saw the obituary and figured out pretty fast what had happened, and called and asked if we could talk about it. We were completely open with this, and she did a feature on it.

Heather Forsyth, who was our member of the legislature at that time, read our son's suicide note to Alberta Legislature. So we opened right up, and I think in doing so we did a lot of good.

But I know the fact of not talking about it causes the nightmares, the stigmatism and everything else. You know it's not contagious. People like to think it is.

But I don't know if intervention is the answer either because you just don't know what's going on. There are so many sides to this, but I think being open and honest is the biggest thing, and keeping the keep the language and the dialogue going will cure it.

It's very hard subject, but I think the more that we bridge the subject and talk about it the better we can do.

It's a hard thing to talk about. I still choke up to this day. My wife and I, and our daughter, we have lived with it for 21 years. You know a lot of families can't survive that. It's too devastating. You realize there's someone you love dearly. In our case we had a wonderful boy -a very brilliant kid and a lot of ways. But our son suffered from depression. We never had a clue. We were a close family. But you get blindsided you know what I mean?

DM: Gerry, you are so very brave to be sharing this with us today. For families that may have children that are going through depression what advice would you give?

GS: Just be there to talk to them. Be understanding, don't be judgmental. I'm not trying to simplify things but I think that's pretty much the crux of it. Know what's going on in your kid's life.

A couple of things that I'll leave you with: you are doing this on Mother's Day, so there are many mothers that are shedding tears right now. And I do applaud you for that because that leads to awareness.

Mother's Day is a tough day - my wife will be having a rough day today.

But the fact of the matter is, if you take the easy road all your pain is lip service. You've got to be tough on it. And I'll be honest too, things don't change as much as we'd like to believe they will. Try going into a church and lighting a candle for a completed suicide. See what happens.

DM: Lots of wisdom Jerry and we give our wishes to your wife as well.

GS: Thank you for doing the show. I applaud you greatly for it. It's very important.