Call me old-fashioned, but I remember a simpler time in this country.

We didn't have your cappuccinos, your mochachinos, your easy-fit chinos.

And we certainly didn't have Starbucks' newest product, the Unicorn Frappuccino.

What we had, as sure as my name is Doug Smith, is a simple, plain, black, unicorn-themed cup of joe.

Funny — that's apparently become so difficult to make nowadays.

I don't need a sweet, frilly drink. I don't need a see-through cup. I don't need a godforsaken concoction with ever-changing colours and flavours.

What. I. Need. Is:

A simple cuppa coffee, made from heating a couple beans and pouring water over them, placed in a plain, white, porcelain cup. And then an elaborate unicorn stencilled onto that cup (a fresh one for each customer) and a paper origami unicorn glued to the side.

IS THAT SO HARD IN THIS iPHONE, iPAD AGE!?!?

Folks, we've gotten distracted.

In a time when we can download Kenny Rogers' Greatest Hits to our phones in the blink of an eye, we've lost our patience. We've lost our simplicity.

I don't need a bunch of neon sugar water mixed with milk and sprayed into a glass.

What I need is a little pick-me-up while I look at the representation of a beautiful, glorious, mythical creature that has only one horn, you millennials.

You think about that while I brew up a cup. Oh, you like the mug? Thanks. His name's Gallandriel.

No you can't get one. He's one of a kind.