TORONTO, ON—With the Raptors set to begin their latest playoff run this weekend, team president Masai Ujiri thinks the team has what it takes to make yet another deep run. However, he knows that the team needs to keep focused on its goals and avoid any and all injuries, especially to its more injury-prone stars.

With that in mind, Ujiri today unveiled a new foam-padded, bubble-wrapped outfit for Kyle Lowry to wear in all playoff games. He also informed the gathered reporters that Lowry was currently somewhere within the suit.

"It's really a wonder of modern technology," said Ujiri, showing off the outfit jointly designed by the Sklar Peppler furniture company, Research in Motion, and Chuck E. Cheese.

"It's made of Gore-Tex, rubber, carbon nanotubes, Jell-O, trampoline swatches, those cool Super Balls you get out of vending machines, and cashmere," said Gerald E. Koenig, a scientist on the scene.

"The counterweights and gyroscope within the suit make it nearly impossible for Mr. Lowry to fall over, making the probability of injury as close to zero as we can get it."

"And then if he does fall down, the Super Balls make it almost impossible for him to stay down. That way he can get back to doing what he does best: playing basketball in a giant padded suit."

Asked whether the suit would impede Lowry's movement and trademark agility, Koenig deferred to Ujiri, who said, "Yes. Absolutely. You can't have everything."

At press time, Lowry had fallen over, but then bounced back up. Again and again and again. Reporters were then seen trying to straighten him up to escape this never-ending cycle of bouncing.