MISSISSAUGA, ON—Parents who send their children to an Ontario daycare finally have an answer as to why their children keep coming home with highly contagious illnesses, after a mysterious new kid at Sprouts' Garden Child Care in Mississauga has been revealed to simply be a snowsuit full of millions of germs, working together to spread themselves among the populace under cover of a snowsuit.

The supposed child, widely referred to by his caregivers as BRDNUN after the clumsily-written nametag affixed to the snowsuit, is now being blamed for the spread of several illnesses throughout the daycare, which were subsequently passed on throughout the homes of the other children. For weeks, however, BRNDUN hardly seemed to cause any trouble at all, save a refusal to speak, take off his snowsuit or loosen his "invisible-man"-style face scarf.

"He mostly just orbited around the other children while they ate and sometimes he'd go around touching the water fountains," explained daycare manager Chloe Burke. "And that's it. Honestly compared to a lot of the kids here he was a dream."

"To find out that BRDNUN was just a huge pile of germs, piloting a second-hand snowsuit like a Pacific Rim robot, well… I'm not mad, we don't like to use that language here, but it's disappointing. We let that boy hand out snacks."

The virulent infiltrators' ruse was only discovered when Tyler – a boy who's currently having issues with throwing – flung a stuffed animal across the room, hitting BRDNUN in the back of the head and knocking millions of bacteria, viruses and protozoa out the front of the hood. Without navigation and guidance from the "head" germs, the remaining microorganisms sent the now headless snowsuit running randomly around the room, crashing into several tables and a Fisher Price kitchen playset before it finally fell onto its back, at which time they abandoned the suit and scattered out the front door.

For her part, Burke says she's having trouble explaining the event to the children. "I just think they might be too young to understand that BRDNUN was essentially a Gundam suit being operated by millions of tiny organisms working together to make everybody sick. Actually it's a really great lesson in teamwork, but I'm not sure if I can go there."

With the lingering threat of BRNDUN gone, the community's eyes now turn to Kevin, a boy who is definitely real but is also just a complete snot factory.