OTTAWA, ON—In the wake of a variety of impassioned responses to his positive statement on the death of Fidel Castro and the seeming shifting policy of the federal Liberal party when it comes to electoral reform, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau issued a written statement yesterday he hopes will please every single member of the electorate and leave no one out:

"Hello ladies and gentlemen, and just everyone. Every single person. Well, and of course every group of people, collectively as a group. People as well as their families and partners and pets. Unless you are a single person, and I mean this is in the sense of not having a partner or not having a family—if that applies to you, please ignore the preceding sentence.

If you find yourself unable to forget the preceding sentence and are just the one single person, I would like to offer my full and frank apologies. Please allow me to move on from this error—though I do not and would not blame you if you do not allow me to move on from it, even though that does not mean that I think the people who did allow me to move on are wrong in any way, nor are they completely right if that would mean the people on the other side would be considered wrong.

Be that as it may, I would like to return to the beginning of my comments. All people, and of course non-people as the case may be, must come together.

Wait, sorry, that is not intended as a slight on those who do not want to come together. You are welcome to remain apart from the rest of us. However, I would encourage those who do want everyone to come together to just imagine in their head that everyone has come together, including those who may want to remain apart. That way everyone will be happy.

The result of all this will b—sorry, I just realized about earlier, you may have animals that you do not consider to be pets. If you are a farmer, for instance. I would like those people also to be reading this statement. If they can read. Which is something I say in order not to offend those who cannot read, rather than something I say to imply that farmers cannot read. I am sure that some farmers cannot read, and it has been a pleasure to direct this statement to one and all.

Oh except Kevin O'Leary."