Final Cup chain to open for people giving up coffee or about to die
Sandra Battaglini | CBC Comedy | Posted: September 21, 2016 5:16 PM | Last Updated: September 21, 2016
TORONTO, ON—A new coffee shop chain called Final Cup will be opening next spring in Toronto. Owner and visionary Sebastian Felino stands amidst a pile of construction at his new College Street location and explains: "Everyone talks about their first cup of coffee, and we already have a chain called Second Cup, but you never hear anyone talking about their final cup. Whether you're giving up coffee or you're about to die, you will inevitably need a place to savour and enjoy that last brew."
Although Toronto is saturated with artisanal, hipster coffee shops, Felino is confident he's onto something here.
"So many people die every goddamned day, or go on cleanses where they give up coffee. I want to give them a place where they can really enjoy that final cup in dignity, instead of crying in the corner and wondering what the fuck happened to their lives."
- They're here! Coffee Time announces five new holiday drinks
- Starbucks to offer award for first loiterer to finish goddamn screenplay
"It's like the Last Supper of coffee shops," he explains.
Felino's wife, Carmela, says her husband has always been "an interesting guy." She recalls the time he had the idea to open a homemade sausage delivery service called Sausage at Your Door, or the other time he opened a breast milk stand at the end of their driveway.
"Sebi is always thinking outside," she explains. "It's true, he only does his thinking outside. When he's inside, you can forget about it. I can't even get him to think about the kids."
Felino says he is especially proud of Final Cup's interior design. There's one big table in the whole joint.
"Never mind having private words – this is communal," he says. "Just like Jesus, before he gave up everything to work for his father."
Felino confesses that he has some idea of what Jesus went through. "I had a dream of being a guitar player but my dad had it in his head that I would take over his butcher shop. I gave up everything to work for my dad." Does he regret it? Not really, he admits. "I see what happens to guitar players. They get lots of puss but they don't know what to do with it. At least I know what to do with my Carm. I get her. She gets me."
Final Cup is scheduled to open its doors on Good Friday during the Passion of the Christ procession that weaves through Little Italy. "This coffee shop is all about sacrifice," Felino says. He then kisses the pendant that hangs from his neck, looks up to the sky and concludes our interview with the sign of the cross.
More of a Tim Hortons person? Check out this song parody:
Don't miss anything from CBC Comedy - like us on Facebook.