YOUR SAD TOWN—This past Sunday marked the end of this year's summer fair. Since 1906, it's been an annual tradition for your sad town.

Few things have changed over the years. There's a new ride here, and over there, a different tarp draped over the bingo tent. This year, however, the fair has "gone green" by changing up the power source that brings the festivities to life.

Typically run by power generators, the annual fair is now operating exclusively from the sighs of disappointed children.

"The price of replacing generators was increasing with no end in sight," said Brad McDunna, director of the annual Your Sad Town Fair. "Meanwhile, I couldn't help but notice that the melancholy of kids who were expecting more was just sitting there, going to no use."

The timing couldn't have been better according to Meg Ashleigh, senior member of the board of directors. "The fair just isn't going to get more exciting for kids, unless you consider the growing danger of riding on a sixty year-old tea cup ride," she explains.

Even parents are now getting into the spirit of going green for the event.

"I used to let my bored kids play games on my phone during the fair but now I just leave them to wallow in their own misery since I know it's going towards a good cause," said Chloe, mother of four miserable little shits.

The greatest source of power comes from none other than the Minions-branded haunted house. McDunna reflects, "It's hard to say what exactly is so special about the small coaster ride filled with pop-up scares. It may be that all the Minions characters are just costumes draped over previous themes, including SpongeBob, Scooby Doo, and Ninja Turtles. Or it could be that even a four-year-old can recognize that the Minions are clearly a violation of copyright laws. Or possibly the reason is that the ride is not scary at all and costs an exorbitant number of tickets to enter."

"Whatever it is," he continues, "the kids just keep coming in excited and leaving with an expression that would suggest they just discovered that their favourite dog was run over by a truck while they were on vacation."