VICTORIA, BC—The Canadian Association of Homeopathic Medicine (CAHM) touted its latest bullshit at a press conference Tuesday morning, a rinky-dink plant-based remedy the organization claims will cure some instances of the flu as well as a dozen other made-up ailments such as "heat imbalance" homeopaths are constantly trying to convince their patients they have.

"This cure represents a major breakthrough," said CAHM President Bonnie Singh, one of the nation's foremost opponents of drugs scientifically proven to work. "It's the perfect natural alternative to the flu shot for all Canadians wary of big pharma and its evidence-based medicine." Singh added that, unlike licensed medical doctors, the CAHM doesn't need "some rigorous peer-review process" to know intuitively that their remedy works.

According to Singh, the latest bullshit is made from herbs and red onion repeatedly diluted in water, a variation on a common homeopathic flu remedy invented in the mid–19th century, a time well before vaccines and antibiotics when surgeons never washed their hands, and physicians routinely treated patients with leeches and opium.

"If Samuel Hahnemann were alive today, I think he'd be very proud of what we've accomplished," Singh said, referring to the man who created homeopathy and died in 1843, more than twenty years before doctors discovered diseases are caused by microorganisms and don't just magically appear out of nowhere.

"We've come such a long way."