Comicon cosplayer suffers nervous breakdown attempting to fashion Trump wig
Andrew Barr | CBC Comedy | Posted: July 21, 2016 5:18 PM | Last Updated: July 21, 2016
SAN DIEGO, CA—Lisa Conway's attempt to dress up as presidential hopeful Donald Trump for Comicon 2016 took a tragic turn this morning when her mother, Heather, discovered Lisa on the floor of her bedroom, barely conscious, surrounded by dozens of half-completed wigs and faintly mumbling, "There's no beginning and no end, no beginning and no end," over and over.
Paramedics who arrived on the scene discovered several sketches of Trump's head on Lisa's desk with scribbled notes in the margins. These writings seemed to indicate the source of the problem: while attempting to replicate The Donald's hair, Lisa's mind rapidly began to unravel.
Some of the writings include:
"The bangs jut forward and then go straight back. They seem to change direction, 180 degrees, in mid air. HOW? That much hairspray would rip a new hole in the ozone."
"His sideburn hair seems to be so long it reaches the nape of his neck. It couldn't. Does it?????"
"It's like a mullet, but it's not. The 'business in the front' is some kind of pyramid scheme and the 'party in the back' is a murder mystery. I can't keep looking at it."
Physician Dr. John Parker is urging the public to refrain from spending too much time making direct eye contact with Trump's hair.
"It's an optical illusion," Parker explains. "A brief look is amusing, but gaze too long and you'll get a migraine. Try to understand it and you may destroy yourself from the inside."
"Picture, if you will, M. C. Escher's famous print 'Ascending and Descending,' he continues. "You can spend all day analyzing where the stairs begin and end, but there is no answer. The stairs are simply the stairs and the hair is simply his hair."
"Picture, if you will, M. C. Escher's famous print 'Ascending and Descending,' he continues. "You can spend all day analyzing where the stairs begin and end, but there is no answer. The stairs are simply the stairs and the hair is simply his hair."