GOLDEN, BC—Trey Lidell, a 32-year-old white water rafting guide, released an official statement to reporters this morning regarding his newborn son, Brynn.

"How do I feel about having a kid?" asked the blatantly unprepared father. "Amped. Totally amped."

Despite widespread protest from his friends and family, Lidell seems confident that he won't have to make any adjustments whatsoever to his current lifestyle.

"The mad tight thing about my super dope son is that he adapts to my schedule. You know? He understands how competitive the white water rafting scene is here in Golden and that I can't really lose focus on that. He's a chill little guy just like his pops," Lidell said of his 3-month-old, who was screaming at bone-shattering volume during this interview.

Pete Johansson, one of Lidell's co-guides, says he's experiencing a great deal of anxiety as he watches his friend adjust to fatherhood. "I just don't think he understands the gravity of what he's gotten himself into," Johansson explains. "I mean, he just spent $600 on a GoPro. I'm like, 'Uh, dude, shouldn't you be spending that on diapers or some shit?' We don't really make that much."

Though Lidell has been repeatedly instructed by his girlfriend Cassidy to only spend money on essentials now that they have a son, he says he does in fact classify his GoPro purchase as an essential.

"That GoPro is crucial, man," Lidell explains. "Last week I shot a sick slo-mo raft flip in ultra high resolution and then I added a Sublime track and threw the whole thing up on YouTube. 11 likes as of this morning. Check it out."

Though unable to communicate clearly, many believe 3-month-old Brynn to be "already embarrassed" by his dad.

"I don't know, man," says Johannson. "It's in the little dude's eyes. You can just tell."