Passive aggressive man renames WiFi network to things neighbours yell during sex
Andrew Barr | CBC Comedy | Posted: April 27, 2016 4:00 AM | Last Updated: April 27, 2016
EDMONTON, AB—Tim O'Reilly, 37, has come up with a creative new solution to quiet his noisy neighbours.
"Some people might say I went too far but look, something had to be done," Tim explains. "For months they kept me up at night. The walls in this building are paper thin and they would go at each other like they were alone in a bomb shelter."
At first, Tim tried somewhat conventional methods to try to achieve his desired peace and quiet.
"I coughed loudly from my side of the wall. Nothing. I tried earplugs, but they're too uncomfortable. And inserting them," Tim shuddered, "only reminded me of the very noises I was trying to avoid."
Tim says his frustration built for some time until he finally reached a breaking point.
"Keeping me up at night is one thing, but then they started doing it in the afternoon, while I was trying to enjoy my weekend golf!"
A look around Tim's apartment reveals he is a bit of a golf fanatic. Trophies from his childhood adorn every available flat surface and hundreds of visors hang from his coat hooks.
"I don't care how loud your TV is," Tim continued, "Golf cannot drown out people's pleasure noises. The announcers are too soft spoken."
For the past two weeks, O'Reilly has been listening intently to his neighbours' passionate ravings and changing the name of his WiFi network accordingly.
It started off innocently enough:
and
It took neighbours Corey Anderson, 24, and Carissa Shoults, 22, a while to realize what was going on.
"A friend came over and asked to jump on our WiFi," Carissa explains. "She pointed out how weird it was that someone in our building had a network called 'I Said NOT In The Face, Corey.' We were horrified."
"I really did think she said in the face," Corey adds sheepishly.
"We tried to ignore it at first," Carissa explains. "Maybe if we didn't acknowledge it, whoever was doing this would stop. But it just kept happening."
"That Pterodactyl costume was expensive," Corey says quietly.
"We couldn't figure out which one of our neighbours was doing this," Carissa continued, "so we changed our WiFi."
A reply from Tim came the next day.
Since then the noise has mostly subsided and Tim enjoys his golf in peace.
"I don't think Cory and Carissa ever figured out it was me," Tim says proudly. "But some of the other tenants did. I've received a staggering number of fruit baskets."