Donald Trump celebrates Earth Day by recycling hateful stereotypes

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NEW YORK, NY—Republican frontrunner Donald Trump told reporters and supporters gathered on Friday morning that he'd be celebrating Earth Day by recycling "classic, just really great" stereotypes.
"It's not just good for Leonardo DiCaprio's precious little earth," Trump said. "It's good for business. It's efficient. And like my good friends the Jews, I know how to squeeze every dollar," Trump continued, grinning as he stoked the fires of old and tired prejudice.
"Look, I could start talking about non-whites as if they were actual people," Trump continued. "But then I'd be throwing away decades of hard work my supporters have spent stereotyping them as criminals, and that's like lighting a bag of money on fire. It's bad for the earth and very bad for business."
When asked if the other Republican candidates were as committed to this environmental program, Trump brushed off the question.
"Snooze Cruz pretends he loves to recycle stereotypes about Muslims," Trump said. "But the only reason he suggested we start patrolling Muslim neighbourhoods was because I convinced the public it was necessary by continually spreading my message of prejudice and hatred every day since 9/11."
The real estate mogul and reality TV star says he is especially proud of his campaign's unique use of green energy.
"Unlike the other Republican candidates who rely on fossil fuels, my campaign is powered entirely by recycled stereotypes of women as sexual playthings, gold diggers, losers, and bitches," Trump said, proudly. "And my refusal to acknowledge women's humanity has literally saved me millions of dollars."
When questioned by Univision's Jorge Ramos whether he had any actual plan to address the very real threat of climate change, Trump laughed.
"Here's my plan, Jorge: Go back to Mexico with the other illegals and take our pollution with you," Trump told the Emmy-winning American journalist, sending his supporters into a frenzy of racist euphoria with chants of "Trump! Trump! Trump!"
Trump then raised his right hand and silenced the roaring crowd.
"Look, we can save the planet and make America great again," Trump said. "But to do that, we need to remember what made our country so great to begin with. And the answer, my friends, is simple: hateful stereotypes about minorities."