While toiling away in my office cubicle, I received an email from my coworker, Gary. Gary wears a toque indoors and occasionally will use words like "frig" and "douche" in intra-office emails. He's the office bad boy, in other words. Usually Gary just sends me some imbecilic "forward," or yet another notification that he's signed me up for something called Christian Mingle (har de har har). However, this time his message actually piqued my interest.

What's this? Gary invited me to join his "fantasy league." I was stunned. I always assumed Gary was a bit of a brainless reject, but perhaps I misjudged him! As far as I'm concerned, a keen passion for fantasy novels is indicative of a smart, well-rounded mind. Needless to say, I have quite the passion for fantasy novels myself. I may have even penned a tale or two in my time. ;)

I began to wonder to myself – what is a fantasy league? Would we meet in the forest at dawn? Would we wear long robes, hold staffs and re-enact the juiciest fantasy scenes from our favourite novels? Oh, what I would give to portray piglet wizard Oinker Sardothoham from Hog Lords of the Barren Pork Plains. Unfortunately, after a few clicks I gathered that this particular fantasy league seemed to revolve around the sport of baseball for some reason. Disappointing, but maybe I misjudged these athletes. Perhaps "fantasy baseball" was a tally of how many book series they've completed?

After signing up for the "fantasy league" and paying the $600 entry fee, I immediately felt my heart sink. This had nothing to do with fantasy novels. It didn't even have to do with science fiction. Instead it was nothing but some online "pursuit" that used real life "baseball statistics" to play games with imaginary teams. Can you BELIEVE that? Imaginary teams? How juvenile and pathetic can you get!? Talk about living in a dream world.

So, I can likely wave goodbye to that $600. But my Hog Lord dream shall live on. Onward, Oinker Sardothoham!