CHARLOTTLETOWN, PEI—There were two long-awaited announcements out of PEI yesterday as the government announced that it plans to provide local abortion services to women, and will also introduce the wheel onto the island.

"We're so proud to institute these two things on PEI that the rest of Canada has been using for a truly alarming length of time," said Premier Wade MacLauchlan at a press conference.

"Now, we recognize that there is controversy surrounding these announcements," he continued. "Some of our residents feel abortion services are a crucial part of women's health. Others feel they're not. Some residents believe the wheel is a helpful and progressive way to facilitate movement and transportation of heavy objects. Others feel it's preferable to get your groceries home by kicking them repeatedly along the sidewalk until your shins are bruised and bloodied, as my partner and I did just the other day. We respect and understand these differences and will strive to be sensitive to all perspectives as these changes to our way of life are implemented."

Prime Minister Trudeau eagerly welcomed the news via Twitter. Early this morning he tweeted, "A woman's right to choose is fundamental in Canada. Wheel also v. important."