TORONTO, ON—With the Jewish Festival of Lights fast approaching, Toronto lawyer and mother of three Jen Greenberg is petitioning her family to shorten the holiday so that she can spend less time with them.

"It's just too many damn nights," Greenberg says. "I can't take it anymore. Christmas is what, two days? One? Jews have to suffer through eight nights of this."

So far reaction to Greenberg's petition has been mixed. Several of her family members have already signed, but others remain steadfast in following tradition.

"It's fine," Greenberg's mother says.

"I'll just enjoy all this wonderful food I prepared. Alone. If I happen to die, at least the police officers who find my body will have something nice to eat," she continued, pausing for dramatic effect. "I'm sure they love their mothers."

Greenberg's son Ben, one of the petition's signatories, said he supports the move: "It's just too much time with Bubbe and Uncle Morty," Ben explained.

"And for what? A tree in Israel? Another game of dreidel? You think the Maccabees would've played that if they had Call of Duty?"

Greenberg stressed that, in spite of what the petition's detractors have said, she has no intention of abandoning the holiday or her mother: "I can manage three nights," she sighed.

"But how many times do I have to listen to Morty kvetch about his bowels? How many times do I have to pretend I'm thrilled that Sheryl from synagogue's grandson got into Yale? It's just too much."

Greenberg's mother says she's sorry that she's apparently "too much" for her daughter: "Maybe they should just put me in a home. Then Jen can forget about her poor old mother and her heritage."

Greenberg responded that she would do no such thing and that her mother should stop feeling sorry for herself.

When questioned about the history of Hanukkah, Greenberg took a moment to reflect. "Ours is a history of suffering," she said. "So isn't it time we had a little break?"