On Wednesday morning, a rapt nation watched as His Exquisiteness the Right Greatest Best Most Important Honourable Canadian Man-King engaged in the Oathal Experience of Truth and Excellence. Finally, dressed in a stack of eleven tuxedos, Trudeau presented his long-awaited cabinet to the world.

Look, we understand the need for all this pomp and circumstance, but deep down, Trudeau's a true bro. He's the second youngest Prime Minister we've ever had, after that weird infant who governed us for a few months back in 1902. He's cool, he likes to get a little crazy, and as soon as the cameras left he indulged a few initiation rituals of his own.

According to insider sources, Trudeau randomly selected four of his new cabinet ministers, woke them at dawn and drove them into the depths of the Algonquin Park forest. One by one, each minister climbed onto a wooden platform and practiced falling backward into his OR HER colleagues over and over again until dusk. "It worked," whispered a tearful Lawrence Macaulay, Minister of Agriculture and Agri-Food. "There's no better feeling than tumbling helplessly into Stephane Dion's arms."

Being an avid climber, Trudeau led all 31 members of his cabinet on a mission to scale the north side of the Rideau Hall building, where an exciting treat awaited them at the top: a bag of zany coloured marshmallows! "It took us nine hours, but we got there," said Chrystia Freeland, Minister of International Trade, who shook violently with fear as she spoke.

Things got a little rowdy at Real Sports Bar and Grill when Trudeau challenged his entire cabinet to a round-robin style flip cup tournament. Patty Hajdu, who heads up the Status of Women portfolio, walked away with the glory. "Eat it," she confirmed by phone the next morning.

"I guess Justin wanted to test my endurance," said Jim Carr, Minister of Natural Resources, who spent 24 consecutive hours locked in a private karaoke room with Trudeau. "Man, we totally nailed the duet from Grease…OH! And we did Islands in the Stream about seven times – he was Dolly, I was Kenny Rogers, then we'd switch parts. Ha!"

"God, I'm just so proud of them," said Trudeau from his secret hammock in a utility closet on Parliament Hill. "Well, except for Jim's key change during Summer Nights. That was an unmitigated disaster."